Recollection

"Should the tears that always coming
Be for actions unrepented
Cause I know the burden placed on me
Is more rebellious than relented
So it is one more 4am
One more recollected
One more silly song that's
More fortune than reflected..."

What do I have to say today? What do I ever have to say--so much recollection that projection is forgotten. What did I want to be when i grew up? I wanted to be that girl: the fearless one, the well-traveled one, the confident one. But I'm not, and I reflect on this to such a degree that forward progression may be hindered. But I digress--
the story of my life.

The Sound(s) of Music

So there's only a few things in the world that excite me to such a degree that I lose sleep; music and God tend be the biggest ones. And cheese, but I digress. Tonight I went and saw Rose Polenzani in concert for the...oh...3rd time this year. It was the best Rose concert I've seen so far (out of 5 total...it might be 6, I can't remember right now) because she had an ensamble cast and seemed so relaxed and happy to be there...and Jammin' Java is such a cool place for shows. I've had the pleasure to spend time with her in the past, and I must say that her music is fantastic but I enjoyed her much more as a person, simply because there's an intensity to one-on-one conversation that cannot be mirrored in melody. Interactions wins out anyday against monologues. But she's kind of become a friend in passing, ya know? But again, I am way off track. It got me thinking about music in general, because of how emotionally high and exhausted I get after concerts. Music is such an unknown--I feel like exploring the depths to lyrics, melodies and harmonies is as much of an adventure as exploring the tombs of Egypt...even if what is being found resides within oneself. It requires such preciseness in some forms, but also contains the unpredictability and volitality that a stick of dynamite would add to the previous metaphor.
I myself write songs--not necessarily for any commerical success, but rather for the release of it. Some people exercise to release stress; I write songs. I should correct myself: I write lyrics. I am terrible at writing music. However my friend is good at that and terrible at lyrics, so we see the begining to a beautiful friendship. Last week I gave her a "few" songs to work with--I believe I ended up giving her something like 30 songs, but it just provides choices, right? Either way I'm adjusting slowing to someone else pouring over my words to the degree that I do--I never feel like a song is done so it's difficult to show a work in progress to someone. Regardless, I am rambling and there appears no end in sight.
Moral of the story: Music is in itself a great and powerful mystery, a Rose by any other name is a friend, and I'm a control freak even with my own creations.

Generation Why?

I wanted this blog to be about generational preparation by God--I was in a bible study tonight and we started reading Ruth and I was struck as to how much preparation by God went into Ruth and Boaz meeting and falling in love. How if Rahab hadn't helped the spies and thus been spared from the fall of Jericho then her son Boaz would have never met Ruth, for he would have never existed. If Ruth hadn't lost her huband and then decided to stay with her mother-in-law instead of her family for 10 years she too would have lost out. How much detail goes into the makings of the right moment and person! Have I ever even considered that what is directed or placed or decided now can have such a profound effect on my family; how much those decisions from 50 years ago can manifest themselves today?
But what has been in my head tonight is forgiveness. God can plan into the infinate future, but yet he is so good at forgetting the past. How am I to be like this? How am I to take the shortcomings, misundersandings and personality quirks of those I love and, with grace and patience, love them anyway? God has a standard that we are to live up to, yet he knows we cannot do it alone. Do I have a standard in my life that I hold others to, yet do not show mercy when they undoubtly fail?
Where are those decisions and directions in my life that I stumble over now, and only later will see the complete plan of he who made it so? I am at a loss for words, realizing that something as minute as my lovelife may have had generational preparation...and generational consequences.

You Have Two Hands For a Reason: A Women's Understanding of the Beauty of Multi-tasking.

Now one of my guy friends feels the need to constantly poke fun at a female's uncontrollable urge to multi-task; I find this entertaining, since he must halt all other activity (including breathing) in order to present such a comment. However i may walk, chew gum, flirt, fix my hair, check out the people around me and possibly hold a rather lively conversation, all while thinking of what I want for dinner. This is a beautiful thing. Life would be boring if I could not multi-task; it's the most productive sort of ADD out there. It may be a biological phenomonon how women may know where 4 kids, 2 pets and 1 husband are located, what is cooking at that moment, who's getting into what and still putting the finishing touches on that meal for the PTA bake sale. I mean multi-tasking should be an olympic sport.
Most men simply cannot multitask; if they are eating, there must be something there to remind their bodies to continue respiration, at least to some degree. The only time I have ever seen or even heard of a man multitasking involves the release of bodily functions. Men become wonders while on the john. They may talk on the phone, read a large novel, play a video game, brush their teeth, eat, it doesn't matter. They can do it all right there. I heard that LBJ used to bring his assistants into the bathroom with him, as he would make important decisions there (Does this explain the gulf of Tonkin Incident? who knows. Bad bowel movements can cause a bad day, but a major war, we cannot say.) Women multi-task everywhere else; this may explain why we tend to be worse drivers. Driving and multi-tasking are not a good mix. Mascara should not be applied while driving, nor should changing shirts, eating cereal, applying eye-liner, etc. Driving is not like cooking; if we take our eyes off of it for just a sec, it does matter. But I digress.
I am only a medicore multi-tasker; I tend to start 47 things at once, and forget about 46.5 of them so that my pants are half sewn, the laundary is half done, the pets are half-fed and i only picked up half the groceries. I will hone my skills. But seriously--if women ruled the world, so much more would get done b/c we can do it all at one time--congress would be passing laws, attending social balls and visiting foreign lands at the same time...just as long as they weren't driving.
(BTW i was multi-tasking while I was writing this, so if it's not rational or complete I apologize I was doing......