100% Pure

Here's a notion that's been floating around a bit lately in the serpentine stream that is my thought process... Purity--it's something that I've been strangely desiring lately. Being callous and hardened is appealing at times, but the vunerability to be pure is so fascinatingly foreign that it is possible that it is a new desire, simply for curiousity's sake. Regardless, it's there.To be pure--what is it? My dictionary says it's "freedom from foreign admixture or deleterious matter, freedom from foulness or dirt, freedom from guilt or the defilement of sin; innocence; chastity; as, purity of heart or of life; freedom from any sinister or improper motives or views." Wow. Now I believe that every human is born with a sin nature; so in a way, even as a new infant one is not pure. They may be innocent, but not pure. I've always thought purity was something one lost, but I've come to understand that it is something to be gained. That is an amazing insight. It shouldn't be waxed in nostalgia as a portion of lives lost; it is a gift to be found--it's moving forward in your life. And it's rooted in freedom! It is not navite, or settling, or shackles like it is so often considered--"Oh if I'm pure I can't have fun, etc" but even the dictionary considers it freedom. Is it possible to be complex and pure? I dunno. This is just a jumble of thoughts--taken me 4 days to write this blog and it still makes no sense! Your thoughts?

Street Schwag!

So yesterday one of my personal heroes came to perform on campus, which was a dream come true, a total delight and otherwise an absolutely fantastic expereince. We took at walk for dinner and during that urban hike we came across a desk in a pile of garbage. Rose announced that she needed a desk, so we decided we should stash it for later. It was a perfectly good desk; why do people throw this stuff out? Makes no sense. Dumpster and dorm diving should be an olympic sport of sorts--it's kind of like that final challenge on "Double Dare" where the contestants had to rummage through those giant waffles to find the flags. It takes some tactic and planning, but is well worth it! I am dismayed that I can no longer dumpster dive this year, as I am the one discarding anything unnecessary, though I fear my garbage will not be as exciting. I question the understanding of the energy that goes into those objects that are so easily discarded; value has ties to investments in time, love and money. If it's setimental value it's love, if it's a personal craft it's time, if it's a purchase it's money. Regardless, I cannot fathom what possesses an individual to throw out such easily sellable thing. Laziness I guess. Stupid people.

A Fresh Face

Amelia is the person I am closest to from my high school days. She is much, much more insightful and wise than I; she is graceful, funny, humble and compassionate. I envy her immensely. We've only seen each other a handful of times in the past two years, the last time being at her wedding last May. We communicate though email. The only benefit of this is that I have four years of correspondence saved in one folder--it's fascinating to see our growth over that span of time; track from one August to another to another; from one crisis to another. Anyway, I'm off topic. (The story of my life!)
Today I got an email from her that was a response to my elated "We made it!" signature to my last email--she asked if I meant as individuals or as friends. It harkens back to all these tidbits of memories over the past few years, and how much we didn't know then and how little we know now. But how that little that we know is serving as a base to whatever we are supposed to learn in 5 minutes, in a week, in 5 years. Too often I look back and shake my head at my naivte; will I ever cease this practice? Such distain for my reactions to daily trials!
Amelia pointed out one thing that got me--we know so little about the immediate future or about how it will end; we can only know how we will live it. Being Easter sunday I have thought a lot about this--how the duration of time on earth isn't half as important as the quality done. That observation gives me some peace about where I will be in less than a month--regardless of what I cannot control that is to come, I can consciously control how I will face it.

The Math of the Mustard Seed

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen." (NKJV). In other words, it's being sure of what's hoped for and certain of what we can't see (NIV paraphrase). Now I'm not going on a biblical tyrade, this is just a thought that probably stems from too much time reading way into bibilical verses. My senior thesis is searching for a biblical basis for an environmental ethic, and what surprises me is how much this one verse can be tantamount to so many less-religious environmental beliefs.
Environmental ethics, and even the environmental movement in general, is rooted in the idea that one individual has the ability to make a difference--that the impact of an individual's choices can be felt on an almost worldwide scale. After all, why bother fighting for something if there is no belief that one's own voice or own action holds no power? In Matthew 17:20 Jesus says, "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to that mountain, Move from here to there' and it will move," (NIV). It is the idea that a small amount can do great things, and it is the exact idea that the environmental movement grasps so tightly. Is this concrete evidence that Christianity has the best enviornmental ethic? By no means. What it does suggest though is that faith is not just a spiritual notion, but a lifestyle change. It is the basis for protests, civil disobedience, petitions, volunteerism and personal recycling efforts, in addition to whatever spiritual decisions are to be addressed. I do not think faith is given the credit it deserves; it is something that is not discussed to the degree it should be. Faith holds power, hope holds promise, and when added to passion, will create something unstoppable.

Words Worth.

An interesting question was rhetorically posed to me the other day: Is there anything that simply isn't worth it? I immediately answered yes. My friend looked at me, smiled and said, "What?" And so I thought, again such a dangerous activity to provoke...it all depends on one's personal definition of worth. Is it furtherment in one's life, either socially, emotionally, physically or monetarily? Is it improving the standing of an object or individual? Is it both? Neither?
If I count worth as experience, then yes there is very little that just "isn't worth it," when experience is defined as gaining a better understanding of oneself and the world surrounding them. Every interaction, be it for the better or for the worse, has the ability to teach us something about ourselves, our actions, our interpretations, the way we love, etc. So just about anything we do can fall into the category of being "worth it" because, as hindsight increases, the full implications of that action/interaction becomes more clear.
But what if worth isn't just experience, but experience with purpose, like committing to something knowing full well what the consequences or outcomes are going to be? If that idea holds true then mistakes can never garner enough value to ever warrant being considered worth it; a flub and the consequences of it are totally random and thus whatever worth they may have was just a random byproduct. In that case, hardly anything is worth it.
Regardless, I'm still milling my way through this idea: what in my life was simply not worth it? If by denouncing the worth of whatever experiences fall into that category, am I condemning myself by not being content with where I am currently? Obviously those experiences had some sort of influence on me; am I rejecting that impact? Ugh this makes my head hurt. Going to go play outside, and live to not regret it later.