Time for Excuses!

Why Its Taken Me Over Four Months to Build My Bed:
(1) I decided to do my dresser first. Can sleep on floor, can't keep clothes there. But since I finished the dresser I do keep clothes there...on the floor. And I sleep there. I fear gravity. Minus 1.5 months.
(2) Big fight with parents. Refuse to go over to house, even to work on bed. Minus 1 month.
(3) Crabfest. Lots of prep, food, cleanup. No time for sleep, less time for bed. Minus 3 weeks.
(4) Death Cold for Sniffles. Fear mono. Maybe typhoid. Maybe halatosis. Sitting up becomes Olympic sport. Minus 2 weeks.
(5) Fall Sweeps. I had to watch Lost Gilmore Girls study Grey's Anatomy. No TiVo at DDH. (You judge me for this, but remember, this is why I haven't finished building my bed. You build a bed too, then come judge me. Sinner.) Minus 2 weeks.
(6) This part is unexcusable. I was lazy for this week. I was probably eating whatever was already made and moving as little as possible. I'll call it my "Act like an elephant seal" week.
So that's my excuse, Professor. I worked on it today and can now build the two sides, which is huge. My goal is to refurbish my dresser, build my bed, move two times and write a short novel in a year. So far the only things left are to finish the bed and the book. It could happen.

I no longer have internet at the DDH (it's coming again soon I promise) so I have to travel to write this so I apologize for the lapses in posts. I'm not lazy...well yes, yes in fact I am.

My nephew was born today. My sister and brother-in-law clearly hate the child, for they named him Lucious Orrin. I shall always call him Luke. Luke is cute; he's 8lbs, 6 oz. Mom and baby are fine. In fact, she called me 45 minutes later to find out what I was doing for Thanksgiving and didn't even dwell on the fact that she'd just been in labor for seven hours. Like ya do.

Off to Syracuse this weekend for a Taps Week Reunion--first official one in way too long. Dylan is trying to figure out a way that Armagheddon could happen this weekend. It's a long story.

Tomorrow I'm scouting a new cave with Dave and Shelby. I'm pumped.

That's it from over here. And I went to the National Zoo last week. I love that zoo.

Awkward Baby Years

LISTAS!
-Conclusion by consensus was a bust. All of you are fired.
- Dolly Parton's cover of "Stairway to Heaven" may be the best cover ever recorded, short of Johnny Cash's "Hurt". But still, it's great.
-Saw "Crash" this week and I agree with Em when she said it was one of the best movies she has ever seen. Watch this movie.
-Actually, I watched a lot of movies this week: "Crash", "Phantom of the Opera", "Batman Begins" (w/Hatch and HollaBack) and "Being Julia", and that's just because I have a crush on Annette Bening.
- November is National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo for those in the know). I started my novel. It's kinda boring so far. Hopefully I figure out how to not make it totally suck.
-I used to think that Angelina Jolie was the key to world peace, because I have yet to meet a person who wouldn't make out with her given the chance, and that common ground is a great place to start on the road to peace. Now I'm thinking the key to world peace may be Jenny Steele, because I have yet to meet a person who has met Jenny Steele who doesn't immediately form a crush on her. If you met her, you'd form a crush too.
-Stopped by my father's house yesterday and he had out boxes of old slides. I saw pictures from my childhood that I've never seen. Two things: (1) I had a huge, abnormally bald head as a baby and ears that stuck out and made me look like a wing-nut. But I was a damn cute toddler. So there, awkward baby years! (2) In those early photos, my dad looks like he loves my mom. That's the first I've ever seen a photo that would even suggest that. It calmed something in me, knowing that it really wasn't always bad.
-We got a box of skinny ties in at work and I thought, "Dear God, the 80s really are coming back..." and I got a bit frightened.
-Got rear-ended on Tuesday by the man who deserves the "Most Enjoyable Person to Rear-End You" award. Like I called him today with the estimate and he just cut me a check and that's that. No dealing with insurance, no premium raises, nuthin'.
-Leaving for Rockbridge Fall Weekend to polish my work crew skills in the kitchen and on ropes. yay!
-I didn't get to dress up for halloween this year. I am old. I even had a costume.

Conclusion by Consensus

So...I'm really sick so I spend most of my time in bed. I've read all the books within arms reach of me, and so I've turned to editing and/or rewriting old stories. Here is one I started about a year ago that I thought was a fun premise, but I'm kinda stuck as to where it should go next. And thus this is your task, should you choose to accept it: give me ideas on an ending. Or even whether to scrap it, or change it, or whatever. This is a writing democracy. Cast yo' vote.

The as-yet-untitled story we'll call "The Name Game"

Tiffani was born in the early 1980s, when such names were popular and parents gave little regard as to whether such a name would fall out of favor less than 20 years later. Tiffani does not like her name at all, and will make that point abundantly clear if the opportunity presents itself. Every day in class she hears the more classic names of those around her: the Jennifers, Megans, Katies, Amys, Julias, Samanthas--and gloomily plots the demise of Tiffani Ann McMantry and the phoneix of the new, as yet unnamed Ms. McMantry.
Tiffani has found that the best time to reinvent herself is during class, and thus her notebooks are filled with pages and pages of crossed-off lists and derivative spellings, and strangely void of actual notes.
The names immediately discarded include those other, trendy names of the late 20th century.
Gone is Brittany, Ashley, Amber, Erin, Cindy, Heather, Lindsey, Crystal, Brooke, Dawn, Nikki, Stephanie, Kristen and whatever derivations of spelling exist within their realms.
Gone are names that are too popular, like Jennifer, Jessica, Katherine, Sarah or Elizabeth.
Gone are names that are too famous, like Marylin, Jackie, Madonna, Reba, Lucille, Dolly, Wynonna, Aretha or even Anna Nicole.
Tiffani is against renaming herself after states, presidents or other geographic and/or political monuments, so gone is Madison, Montana, Dakota, Georgia, Virginia, Jackson, Dallas, Rushmore, Yellowstone or Indiana.Not that she knows anyone who has ever been named Yellowstone, but she feels it's better to set the precedent high.
Gone are names mentioned in famous songs, so Eileen, Caroline, Jolene, Mandy, Jesse, Jenny (or Jenny Rebecca), Amie, Jude, Michelle, Gloria, Lola, Cecilia, or Benny (and the Jets) are all out.
Gone are names that sound too old and/or motherly, like Linda, Carol, Agnes, Constance, Joan, Nancy, Martha, Beatrice, Priscilla, Janet, Phyllis, Pamela, Wanda, Gertrude, Gretchen, Dorothy, Francine or Bertha.
Tiffani is not keen on an ambiguous name, so she quickly nixed Jaime, Leslie, Sam, Chris, Charlie, Terri, Billy and yes, even Pat.
She started to run out of names, so she went online and printed out lists from baby websites. Her housemate found this list and hyperventilated, thinking Tiffani was pregnant. Tiffani gravely said yes. Her housemate almost passed out. She squealed out sentences like a muscle car. Ten minutes into the fun Tiffani recanted and said it is actually for a class project. Her housemate started breathing normal again and threw a pillow at her. She was red faced and speechless. Tiffani smiled.
"A rose is a rose by any other name," She read in her Brit lit class, so she crossed Rose off that list as well. And Juliet too, because who wants to feel destined to marry a Romeo? And come to think of it, all those "West Side Story" names were nixed too. She doesn't look like a Maria anyway.

And that's all I got.

Shorts

I've been in the mood to write lately, which usually means I've been rather low. Funny how creativity comes when I am weak. Last night I was in mindless tasks and between I jotted. I have nothing else to say. Here are my jots. There is no order. There is no point.

I want to live in a world of onomatopoeias. Crash! Bang! Clang! I want force, each word to have weight, strength, substance. I want it to fill my ears like gills, to muffle and mutter. I want to be lost in the anonymity of ambiance. Something hard, kinetic, gritty, visceral. A fist to the kidney OOPH! a door to the frame SLAM! a hand to face SLAP! every action given an exclaimation.

I scold time like a puppy.

-Medicinehead-
I took the red pills and now my head hovers, as if my neck has sloughed off. I bobble and nod, a yes-man yes yes yes it bounces. Every movement has its own aftershock; the space when the thought of turning finally collides with the physical act of it. Words grapple and stumble off my tongue in droplets without the corners and edges language should inspire. Sound travels as if through water, I walk as I swim.

Tidbits for a Monday

* For some reason I see myself as either a princess or a pariah--I am the top or I am the bottom; I am overly inflated or I am a discarded balloon. I can't seem to just balance it. Yesterday: princess. Today: pariah.
* So far next summer/fall I already have three weddings lined up in three different states. So far I'm in two of them. Looks like it will be another busy summer.
* Hung out with friends from frosh/soph year of college this past week. They are wonderful; I am so different than I was then. Growing apart question again.
* Went on my first business trip last week. If I live alone, remind me that there is absolutely no need for me to ever own a bed bigger than a double. I got lost in a king size.
* Bought Sarah Vowell's most recent (Assassination Vacation) and Dave Egger's most recent (How We Are Hungry) while floating around Kramerbooks in DuPont. I love nerdy writers.
* My little sister is starting to define herself by the stereotypes around her. I haven't gotten around to crying about this just yet, but I will.
* As I get older, I become a bigger nerd. Better dressed, but a bigger nerd.
* I still want to go help in the Gulf Coast. My hands have been too clean for too long.
* I don't know what changed in me to allow me to finally enjoy Led Zeppelin, but thank god it did.
* My brother and the NAP wife are talking about kids. But not in the normal way, cuz that would be, well, normal. Apparently insemination is more appealing then a $40 bottle of tequila.
* Lately I've been at arm's length from life. It's quiet here.
* "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead has been playing over and over and I'm not sure why.