My best friend divulged a major observative revelation she had seen in me today: I am a major control freak. I know those of you who know me well are thinking, "Well...YEAH. DUH." but bear with me. She explained her reasoning for that conclusion and for the most part I wholeheartedly agreed (and chuckled). However I want to say that the reason I am the way that I am is not because I am a product of a certain family environment or hostile experience but rather that it is part of my personality--it is nature rather than nuture. But then I think about that desired influence and think, "Is that just another characteristic of my control freakish nature, or do I acutally believe that? Is it both?" I wish I could pinpoint the watershed of control in my life, but I cannot. It seems to deep and vast to possibly trace back to its source!
But I enjoy my control freak character--it fits me well, and does me well. It looks good on a resume, tends to leave a pretty positive first impression and gets me places on time. It's given me my hobbies, my collections, my tastes and my humor--it has done me well in all realms but the relationship department. There is where it needs to back off and let whomever is behind that fortress step out and brave that portion of the world. I am not there yet, so I am single. What will it take? I don't know now, but I sure hope I will.
