The first time I was here
18 turns and we just saw "Deliverance"
And we walked
I didn't know where
He did--he was older
Older and wiser
I was Doe-eyed
So proud of it--oysters everywhere
But the lights seemed so optimistic
Like flight was expected
If you could just clear the trees.
The second time I was here
We'd lost our one token friend
Who should have been a block away
But wasn't.
And no arms held on
I knew where I was
Cause I was older
But he wasn't.
The third time I was here
With a man I could not love
I don't know why
But that night sky
Speckled snow with suggestion
of reflection
Like my memory--
Not wise, just going
Like 1,000 steps to the daily trek
Of 1,000 know-it-alls
That I somehow bypass.
The fourth time I was here
I am now
Not 22 and still no deliverance
And I pace
To I don't know why
I'm not--but I am--older
Jaded
Squinty, shifty and still more trusting
Then four years could have seen
And so ashamed
I'd lie to gain just a bit
of that doe-eyed back
But the lights still seem oh so optimistic
Like flight was expected
If I could just clear these trees
But how far are the trees west of here?
I crush out my 3rd smoke
(and I don't smoke)
Cause it is always me
I didn't clear the trees.
And I never said goodbye
I couldn't love him back
And now I'll never cross
the Continental Divide
with you.
1,000 steps to the daily trek
Of knowing nothing at all
About me.
