Elbow in

So after working a youth-group lock-in on Saturday night (a story that truly requires its own book) I decided on a whim to go to my old church in Syr, UCF. A greater blessing could not be fathomed. It was a reminder of what community looked like, and what it felt like to be a part of it all. My friend Hannah was praying for me and said something that broke me. She said, "God won't break your elbows. You hold people at arm's length--always have. And you have a free will, so he won't break your elbows to bring those people closer. You have to decide to do it." that shattered me. It's something I try so hard to do, but I simply don't know how. I don't know how to let people get closer, I am at a loss. Give me a set of instructions and I'll try to follow them, but I honestly have not a clue. How frustrating to want so badly to be close to those I love, but lacking the basic abilities to do so. I worry it's foreshadowing for the rest of my life, but my rational side sees melodrama in that statement. Is it pride? Is it fear? Is it habit? Is it comfort? Is it innate? Nurture vs. Nature? Is it all the above? I dunno, but I pray I'm getting close...