The Style section of the Washington Post yesterday had an article about the Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise engagement announcement and waxed nostalgic about our (as a culture) inability to just embrace romance. The Post called it "..a Harlequin romance in the era of chick lit...To post-feminist, post-ironic women, it's a great big "ick," right up there with the marriage proposal on the Jumbotron at a baseball game." Though it is a May-December relationship (he was getting his "Old records off the shelf" in "Risky Business" while she was making some risky business in her drawls) it has the makings of a classic 1940s Hollywood love story (with the eventual, present-day crash and burn coming forthwith) and we can't be anything but cynical and snide about it. Like Sarah Jessica Parker's "Sex and the City" character, Carrie Bradshaw, have we lost all faith in romance? In season 6, the Russian (Mikhail Baryshnikov) read her poems and other literary expressions of love, and she called it "the ick hear 'round the world." Are we women becoming romance-phobic?
I think about myself, and how distrusting I can be to those outward expressions of affections, and I am frustrated by my cynicism; my "oh he must be up to something" knee-jerk reaction. Is that a byproduct of the "independent woman" rhetoric that I've been fed, or something else? Pop culture? Experience? Genetics? Tom Cruise?
*The title is taken from "Tom Cruise Makes Me Nervous" by Sarah Vowell, off NPR's This American Life.
10 comments:
I love 'icky' romantic stuff. But I don't think I did until, say, junior year of college; maybe before then I just couldn't believe/appreciate that someone else wanted to love and do romantic stuff for me. On one hand, my late-blooming romaticism makes me sad--I think I blew it with a certain someone because I just didn't know how to accept the love.
On the other hand, though, you live and learn.
At least that's what I tell myself when I get sad about it.
So I'm not sure about any general amorophobia amongst the female population. If anything, the rejection of others' affectionate romance might mean women (or, people in general) have to be able to love themselves before it is possible for them to let others to.
ps--I won't be able to make the Old Dominion Brewfest--I'm going to San Francisco this weekend. Drink some for me!
(1)...but what of Tom Cruise?
(2) I am thrilled that you are able to believe and appreciate those outward amorous expressions--I think I'm the opposite. I used to believe them but I feel like my romaticism was, to use a biblical reference, the seed that sprouted amidst the stones. It grew quickly, failed to take root, and whitered.
(3) Romanticism in me tends to breed regret...makes me think of all the past words and actions; hindsight makes them less sincere to me.
(4) While I totally agree that we do have to love us before we can let another love us, do you see a place for romance within a "lifestyle" of the post-shoulder pad, post-Designing Women feminist? I want there to be, but in the culture of cynicism, I can't find where it fits. The wholly strong, wholly vunerable thing.
(5) Oh woe is me.
(6) ODB fest won't be the same w/o you, but I know you got someone in SF just dying to see you...
A)I'm not sure about making a generalization about people being too cynical for romance, but if we have to make that generalization in a hypothetical manner, then I would say maybe it's just a little bit higher of a wall to climb to reach someone's heart. Hopefully the right person will come a long and be able to scale it...
B) So, yes, I see romance in the post-Designing Women era.
C) I didn't know 'post-Designing Women' was an era.
D) Now that I think about it, I didn't even realize Designing Women was such a big deal
E) Oh jeez
F) Now I see what you mean
G) Gah!
H) I can never love again!
9) What do you mean the ODBFest won't be the same without me? As in, it won't be like last time when I wasn't there, either?
Are you doing something different?
10) If by "someone in SF just dying to see you" you mean "the only person I know in SF" then OK, you're right.
11) I just got back from my 3-hour excursion to the DC DMV, sweaty and ravished, and during this comment I ate a whole pack of dry Ramen.
(1) Delta Burke had them shoulder pads, they had powers. I didn't know "post-Designing Women" was an era either til I made it one. Oh the power of the blog.
(2) I just referenced Delta Burke.
(c) forgive me for that.
(4) by "Not being the same w/o you" I meant "I was looking forward to seeing you there and I'll miss you," not "You were at ODB fest last year, don't you remember you lush?"
(e) I was trying to be subtle as my southern relatives taught me, but instead I'll say, "YAY YOU GET TO SEE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"
(f) I consumed no ramen during the writing of this. I did have a Harpoon IPA though.
(g) I'm bring shoulder pads back into style.
I. My girlfriend lives in DC with me...remember??
II. Although, coincidentally, she is going to be in the Bay Area around the same time, on her own vacation, so perhaps I will see her.
III. The person who is 'dying to see me' is my business partner, Bond. Stacy Bond.
IV. That really is her name.
V. If anyone could bring shoulder pads back in to style, no offense, but it's doubtful that it would be you. I'm only saying that because you would look absolutely redunk-a-dunk in shoulder pads, given that you have no shoulders.
VI. I think Delta Burke herself should be the one to bear that burden. I think it would be cool if she just came back onto the scene, wearing the same outfits, as if nothing has really changed. Almost like a purposeful defiance of the current times.
VII. On her big comeback day, she should have Meshach Taylor in tow, just for extra panache.
"If all is supposition, if ending is air, then why not happiness? Are we so cynical, so sophisticated as to write off even the chance of happy endings?"
"Does happiness strain credibility? Is there something in the human spirit that distrusts its own appetites, its own yearning for healing and contentment? Can we not believe that two adults, in love, might resolve to make their own miracle*?"
-from the last chapter of "In the Lake of the Woods" by Tim O'Brien
*"It has been said that a miracle is the result of causes with which we are unacquainted."
-previously stated in the novel
Read this today and thought of this discussion. Good book about a Vietnam Soldier and his post-war struggles with loving and communicating with his wife.
I. NO
II. Nobody likes california, unless they are tofu CAAARRAAAAAZZZY
III. That person died en-route, so don't be expecting them.
IV. I don't believe you.
V. I shouldered your mom. Declare self winner.
VI. Would this be a scene from "Nightshift?"
VII. Too late, Marlon Brando already ate the extra panache.
(These opinions were not actually written by Spooner, but you may treat them as if they had been.)
Ladies and Gentlemen, That was Paul.
Apologies all around.
(and didn't you mean "Nightcourt" you moron?)
(1) Totally forgot Nicole lives in DC now. berating myself for forgetting.
(2) I'm hurt you doubt my ability to bring shoulder pads back en vogue. I'm nothing if not a fashionista...
(3) None of this changes the fact that I hate most mushy stuff. Can't do it, can't even pretend to like it. Will roll my eyes at it, involuntarily.
(4) There is a significant and profound skism between romance and love. I believe and trust love; I distrust and dislike romance. Liz mentioned happiness; is romance meant to be an expression of this happiness? Even in the throws of very serious relationships I've not been able to stomach ardent expressions. I'm not saying I'm cynical of relationships, love or happiness in general; I'm leery of corny lovey-dovey stuff. I was mistaken in thinking it was indicative of a greater portion of the population.
I thought maybe this thread could use a male point of view, so I'll go find one. In the meantime, I thought I'd throw out my experience in this post designing woman's world.
Obviously, as we've seen in this thread, people have different opinions on romanticism. However, I think the majority feel the same way about it that spooner does. Unfortunatly, in what spooner referred to as the world of independent woman (not a direct quote), men's attempts at romanticism are often bilittled or met with indifference. As a result, by the time women get to a point where they want romance (as in emilie's case), we're no longer willing to stick our necks out for fear of past-lived failures.
Interestingly, for the most part, pop culture tells us that behavior is completely different from the reality of life. In hollywood, for example, nothing has changed story-wise for the past 60 years. Every time you turn around, there are romantic movies that always end the same way, with the characters finding themselves in an incredibly romantic situation, with the heroine fully appreciating the essence of the moment. Even action movies make attempts to insert romantic undertones into their story lines.
In conclusion (can I do that without an intro paragraph? Ah screw it), it may not be learned behavior due to our surroundings. Perhaps our reticent attitudes on the subject have more to do with our own individual experiences more than anything else. Essentially, the reaction towards the first romantic moment that we ever have shapes our attitudes in an irretrievable fashion. Just my two cents.
On another note, I just realized theres a button on my keyboard labeled "Internat." I had no idea they made keyboards in Mississippi.
not to be annoying, but the correct spellings are:
"schisms"
and
"throes"
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