I know I've slacked. Blah to accountability and consistency!
Recently my dad told me that his cousin Helen (whom I call my Aunt) has breast cancer.
My great-grandmother had breast cancer.
She had three daughters.
All had breast cancer (including Helen's mom, who died of it when she was in her 30s)
All of their daughters have had breast cancer.
Tonight as I was stepping out of the shower I thought about my own body, and how it may one day turn against me, as it did to all those relatives before me. I daily squabble with my body over the dos and don'ts of the day to day, the wake-ups, the keep-goings. But to think that under that squabble lies something far more sinister is something I hadn't considered. It's strange to think that something that I identify as me may not be at all; that it has its own insurgency that may lurk, waiting to wage a struggle literally to the death. Ok now I'm getting melodramatic, but it is something to think about: this part of me I invest in so heavily--in how it is groomed and preened, what it is adorned with, what it is fed, how it is used--all of this matters little.
It's again being faced with this growing fear of doctors and what is happening within me; with my back, with my genes, with my hands, my head. At first I wanted answers, I wanted solutions, resolutions, conclusions. They didn't come and what did come was stressful, fearful, hopeless and resigned. The unknown grew as the end results mutated. And, in the end, here's what gets me: we grow so accustomed to the unknown that anything definite is downright terror. Maybe is a safe, safe world.
1 comment:
Does this post come as a pure coincidence, given that October is Breast Cancer awareness month?
I agree - living in the "maybe" can be very safe(so long as it is not mistaken for ignorance)...but have you considered the flip side? In keeping with the topic of your post, I too, come from a long lineage of Breast Cancer victims. Luckily, they continue to be survivors of the disease. It's true; cancer can strike anyone at anytime - a gamble we are all exposed to by virtue of life itself. The way in which we all survive cancer comes after the certainty of knowing that we actually have it. In other words...does KNOWING that you are at a high risk for breast cancer actually REDUCE the chance of you being part of a mortality statistic? (Hmmm, sounds like a tricky math/statistics/psychology problem if you will) Anyway, with resources that are available to us today, a very high percentage of women who find breast cancer in the early detection stages survive. Shouldn't we say to ourselves, "damn, I am at a high risk, I better get on this shit so I can detect any 'maybe' as soon as possible"...? In this case, the "maybe" is not as safe of an outlook as we may assume it to be.
P.S. Check for a Making Strides Walk or Relay for Life this month in your area!!!
P.P.S. Although Breast Cancer is a serious topic, I have one last thing to say...
BUSTY
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