Fill a Cup

So I had to go take a drug test today for the potential J.Crew job. "Pee in a cup? Sure. No problem." Right?
Wrong.
So I go to the drug place on McDowell/Asheland around noon. I didn't have coffee this morning because I knew I had a drug test and didn't want to taint it. So I get there and...
I can't pee.
Can't. Nothin' going.
And I can't drink a ton of water or I will dilute it.
So I sit there for about 20 minutes, trying to talk myself into having to alleviate some bladder pressure and I think I'm ready to go.
I try.
Not enough.
Back to the waiting room.
FOR ALMOST TWO HOURS.
I read Consumer Reports, Star, two different US News and World Reports and part of a Ladies Home Journal. And I talked to the nice nurse about college pricing and she told me I wouldn't have this problem if I had kids. So THAT's what I need to do next time I need to take a drug test. Have a kid first. Super, that's good advice. Why didn't they have that in Ladies Home Journal? Coulda saved me a ton of time.