GAMES!

In honor of the graciousness Leslie showed me with the gift of Trivial Pursuit, 20th Anniversary Edition (and the smack talking from Kelly and Emilie) I've decided to take a long hard look at the games in my life, those I love and those I don't. It's an important thing to reflect upon.
And so, dear readers, a list.

Games I do not actually enjoy:

Settlers of Cattan. No offense to Marystuart or the McGlades but I seriously don't like this game. Maybe it's because I only tried it once, but I have the attention span of a goldfish...can't handle something this focused. Don't give a crap if I have enough wood or rocks or whatever to build whatever I'm supposed to build. To help with this point, I'd like to reference Robin's blogpost (scroll down, it's funny) about our experience trying to play Settlers last summer. It was when I knew Robin and I would be good friends, and when "bible joke" became a, well, joke.

War Games. Maybe it's cuz I was too young, but come on, Matthew Broderick, it's a computer. It can't be worse than Windows Vista.

Mind Games. Not the kind like "Simon" where you had to push the colors and remember the "beep boo bah beep beep" noise and color combo, that game...kicked its ass. I spanked that sucka. No I mean the kind people play on each other. That'll drive you nuts.

Monopoly. Why must this game take 47 years to play? Can't it just be quick? Can't my sister not be the banker and steal money and property when I wasn't looking (oh wait, I did that. Pays to be the less ADHD person in the fam)? Can't I not end up with Oriental Place and instead get something nice, like Indiana or Kentucky? Why does my sister get to be the scottie and I have to be the boot? This game sucks. Anything involving math or finance isn't fun.

Foolish Games. I'm sorry Jewel, but you are annoying as crap. I mean I owned "Pieces of You" just like everyone else, and Foolish Games isn't nearly as bad as "Hands" but still, that song sucks. Why is taking a coat off and standing in the rain "crazy like that"? Maybe he was hot. Maybe it was a leather coat. He's got reasons. Leave him be, Jewel.

Reindeer Games. Can't remember who was in this movie, but I think it's Ben Affleck and therefore it probably sucked. I have a sort of love/hate thing with Ben Affleck. It's complicated.

Twister. If I wanted physical contact from strangers I'd offer them tequila. Point is, I don't want physical contact. I don't think having some guy named Steve's armpit sitting on my eyeball is a "good time". That is not fun. I don't want Steve's socks anywhere near my face, no matter what the friggin' spinner is telling me to do.

Operation. If I wanted to play a game that would show me how not right I am for a certain occupation I'd play Risk or Guitar Hero or Sim City. This game just says, "Hey shaky hands, I got something new for you to suck at!" Listen, Operation man: You are overweight, you got shit stuck all in your body, your bones are remarkably disproportional and judging by the color of that schnoz of yours you've probably been hittin' the bottle a little too hard. I ain't helping you, jackass. I'm keeping my shaky hands to my self.

The Game. I think you were some member of 50 Cent's entourage. That's all I know, and that's all I want to know. Entourages shouldn't step out from entouraging.

The Game of Life. This game always pissed me off because I was a tiny pink stick person in a convertible who had to get married and have lots of babies and then go around to giant plastic houses and deal with money. If I wanted to play that game, I'd grow up.