Title IX

Way back in November my dear friend Emilie (unintentionally) began a discussion that kind of evolved into one on women in music. It started with a comment about being disappointed in what came out of the artists of Lilith Fair since the tour ended, and concluded on the status of women in music today.
(now pause that thought)
This evening I saw the headline that Mia Hamm and Julie Foudy had been elected into the US Soccer Hall of Fame in their first year of eligibility. Of course Hamm now holds the record for highest number of votes cast and highest winning percentage, of which she is completely deserving. Anyway, reading the highlights of their monumental careers suddenly got me thinking about that discussion about music months ago. And not just because Emilie is a kick ass athlete with tons of heart, skill and guts (I first accidentally wrote asslete. I almost left it). There was something special about that time.
In hindsight, the late 90s were a good time to be a young woman. We had role models in places where none were a few years prior. Role models make doors in sheer cement walls. I think about the rise of Lilith Fair, the famous Women's World Cup where Brandi Chastain ripped off her jersey after winning the shootout in front of 90,000 fans...hell, even the Ya-Ya Sisterhood came out in those same few years. We had the first woman to play NCAA Divison I football kick a field goal, for cryin' out loud. If that wasn't empowering...
And then there was Claire Danes! Who didn't want to be Claire Danes!?

What saddens me is that the wave of role models hasn't really been followed by anything else. Lilith lead to, what? The Spice Girls? Britney? Avril? Hells no. What do we have that could ever compare or continue? Truly the only musician with the appeal and chops to even consider such an endeavor would be Norah Jones, who just doesn't inspire an all-day concert tour event. Maybe some chai tea in a overstuffed chair, yes, but not outdoor pavilion music.

Will we ever have a female asslete (giggle) whose influence could ever touch the width and breadth of Mia Hamm's? Venus and Serena Williams have appeal, but not at all in the same way. They are too Hollywood. And they play tennis. La de friggin' da.

I want there to be women for my nieces and my little sister to see who prove that the world is possible. Not just because you show off your body, or are a whore, or because you are beautiful. Do ya'll know of anyone I'm missing here? Role Models of that caliber?

Need Need/Hubris

I have an over-abundance of strong female mentors and role models. Every good thing in me can probably be traced back to a lesson, a prayer or insight from the Natalies, Ruths, Joans, Ginnys and Michelles in my life (among others) and I love that about me. I talked to Michelle today, who is my third big sister in a way. We got to talking about relationships and, long story short, I again learned something. I was moaning about a certain relationship and she called me out in a way that I hadn't even considered. She said, "You and I are the same; we want to feel wanted; we need to be needed. Sometimes its a good thing, but most often its not. You are carrying another's burdens in a way you shouldn't--you aren't guarding your heart. You need to end that."
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And that's as far as I got. I started that post two or three days ago, as the weight was just being rested on my shoulders. The prospect of literally cutting a relationship out of a life because it is unhealthy...mindboggling. Heartbreaking. I know I have to; she's right. She saw what I can't see. The clutch it was next. I have tried and tried to figure out how to express it, what to write, how to write it, what even I am. I can't. I haven't. 10,000 song lyrics but no words of my own. I do have this overwhelming need to be needed, a complex codependency in its own way. I don't know if its a female thing or just a me thing, but it is something with which I subconsciously struggle and if I am to ever be freed of it, this severing is the benchmark. It will leave a void.
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Three times in one day the word hubris came up, and thus I, who needs to read into everything as if the world is written in code just for me, saw it as a sign of sorts. It's not a good sign, I must say. Hubris (it's excessive arrogance, pride or presumptuousness so you can stop navigating away to go look it up and pretend you knew it all along, you walking SAT prep book you)? Why hubris? Is there pride in my inability to make a clean break from this relationship? Is it as much me fearing failure as me fearing heartbreak as me fearing me? Hubris, the destroyer of all things.
The ultimate self-consciousness.
Self-consciousness to self-annihilation.
Also, good name for a cat.