Just Fly By

Yesterday was my friend Jeff's 22nd birthday. Thing is, Jeff died June 7th in a climbing accident. We were close, but my friends who were closer to him than I was are still a bit lost, I cannot imagine how they feel. That loss taught me so much though. In a team development exercise I did with a group last thursday, a question came up that asked how you'd like to be remembered after you passed away. The first thing I thought of was Jeff and how, when he died, those who knew him wept not only for the loss of his life, but for those people who would never get the chance to be touched by his life and energy. Those who knew him best felt pain for those who would never get a chance to. That is a successful life; that is how I would want to be remembered--more than success, wealth, fame, or notoriety--the person who could change others' lives for the better.
I firmly believe that every person is an ambassador; they represent their families, beliefs, hometowns, schools, occupations, teams, whatever they are involved in. Have you ever met someone who went to school somewhere or was involved in something and they were a big jerk, so you would hear of that school and think, "I met someone who went there, they were a big jerk." and that is what you'd think of when you heard of that place. See, we do represent so much more than ourselves in every situation; the ability to recognize this ambassadorship and be a consistant representative to your parents, God, home and school/job is a difficult task, but not impossible. My great-grandfather used to say, "never forget who you are and where you came from."
Being remembered does not occur only at death, but in almost every interaction, be it with a new person or an old friend.
How would you like to be remembered? Who do you represent? Do you show this? If someone was to meet a member of your family or of your job/school, would they look highly on that person because of who you are? Why not?

Nights Are Mine

Missed my post yesterday! Too busy I guess. Tonight I got a chance to come home early, buy some delicious Mexican food from Alto Cinco's, put on some Ella Fitzgerald and read my way though a relaxing dinner, under the glow of the icicle christmas lights. I got to tune up my Ovation (which I never get to play) work on some new songs at a good pace--walk around and chew on 'em a bit.
I shall enjoy being out of college, when my nights can be mine again--movies, books, music, concerts, poetry, a mug of hot cocoa and a really good book, and, of course, the best company.
My brain in just kind of empty right now; it ebbs and flows, from overwhelming introspection almost to the point of insomnia, to the opposite spectrum of mindless actions and unfulfilling sleep. In the written world I sound so unhappy, but know that I am just the antithesis; I am content and currently feeling very peaceful--just feeling confined by words--too much to get out and no vocabulary that could do it, or time to really kneed it out.

Constants?

Tonight my friend Hannah asked me what the meaningful, true constants are in my life, and honestly, I couldn't really say--seems like everything is. My breakfast, my duties, my expectations, whatever. It's just kind of one big muddled mess, like a kind of bland, cold oatmeal. What can you say are true constants in your life, that you are reminded of every day?
I can say my faith in God, but I guess I'm needing something a bit more tangible lately. Seeing the ending to anything makes the immediate and tangible all the more appealing. It's kind of a fear of ambuiguity, the most basic fear in what is known as the Human Condition. The tangible is constantly assuring, simply by its physical existance, that it is a true constant. However 2 Corinthians 4:18 says that it is the opposite as it is assumed; "What is seen is temporary, what is unseen is eternal." So how does one see those constancies that are eternal in their daily life?
Tomorrow I am able to register for the last semester of my college career--just gotta keep my sights set a bit longer...

Guest Post

Thought of the day:
A guest blog entry from the lovely and talented Ms. Ani DiFranco!
Asking Too Much - "I want somebody who sees the pointlessness, and still keeps their purpose in mind, I want somebody who has a tortured soul some of the time, I want somebody who will either put out for me, or put me out of misery, or maybe just put it all to words and make me go, you know, I never heard it put that way, make me go, what did you just say!?
I want somebody who can hold my interest, hold it and never let it fall, someone who can flatten me with a kiss that hits like a fist, or a sentence that stops me, like a brick wall, if you hear me talking, listen to what I'm not saying, if you hear me playing guitar, listen to what I'm not playing, and don't ask me to put words, to all the spaces between notes.
Don't ask me to put words, to all the silences I wrote, in fact, if you have to ask, forget it, do and you'll regret it, I'm tired of being the interesting one, I'm tired of having fun for two, just lay yourself on the line, and I might lay myself down by you, but don't sit behind your eyes, and wait for me to surprise you, I want somebody who can make me scream until it's funny, give me a run for my money, I want someone who can twist me up in knots, tell me, for the woman who has everything, what have you got?, I want someone who's not afraid of me, or anyone else, in other words I want someone, who is not afraid of themselves, do you think I'm asking too much?"

Word to that. I'm not angry today at all, just definately feelin' these words. I am not an excessively angry girl either, I am just tired of being the boyfriend in relationships--Guys: girls like guys who can take the initiative! DO IT!
Ani concert in a week and a half!

Friday Night Live

Friday night has always meant party, since my first week of college back in August of 1999. Here it is my senior year and that idea of party has evolved so much. My frosh year it meant get sloshed at whomever was dumb enough to have a party that night. My sophomore year it meant go somewhere for a bit, then go home with my boyfriend and get some sleep. My junior year I didn't drink, so it meant go watch my friends drink and get hopped up on sugar and have a grand ol' time. My senior year it means you can go anywhere. Today I was walking home from campus, dirty and tired from four hours of work at the snack bar, when I see my friend Alex's car make a turn at a light I was attempting to cross at. Having seen each other she promptly pulled over, picked me up and we went to Emilie's, where Happy hour was discussed. I am not one for a happy hour; I'd rather sleep. But Alex was in town and I was feelin' kinda crazy so I ran home, cleaned up and headed to Darwin's for a bit. Two hours later I left, having a rather serious discussion about God with my old and dear friend Emilie on the walk home. Happy hour was fun--I've never been to one and was surprised at the fun I had. Then I went and had dinner at Hannah's, where I had a rather serious discussion on feminism in modern Christian relationships with one of her friends over a really good dinner. Later I went to Rinehart's party, and had a blast simply talking to my friends. Liz--you have been passed the torch!! Shhhh...it's a quiet secret!! Senior year is all about filling in the lines of the friendships you've drawn over the past few years. Jen (Earl), Alexis (TB) and I (Bandit) put on disguises, got codenames and went to the party as a bit of fun. Later Jen and I left, went and got a lemon drops at Taps and then went home. It's early on a Friday and I'm going to bed. Senior year truly is the balance of the other three years--a bit of fun and chaos, a bit of stability and a bit of sanity in the midst of the chaos of a typical friday night. To quote my late and wonderful grandfather, Charles Stockman Spooner II, "Goodnight, good people, I'm off to climb the wooden hill. I will see you in the morning."
I am, among all other things, most richly blessed.