"When you live in a world, well it gets into who you thought you'd be, so I laugh at how the world changed me, I think life chose me after all." -Dar Williams
I, like so many others, would love to be able to consider myself completely independent of the ebbs and flows of the world around me. I'd like to spend time with a myriad of different people, backgrounds, beliefs, customs, morals and habits and still be my unwaivering self. Not to say I would like to be stubbornly unchangable, but rather able to take those fluxes with a firm grip on Who I Am. I have yet again proven that I am a product of my environment much more than I would like to be.
But Who We Are sure is a complicated thing, isn't it? Wars have been fought, lives have been created and destroyed, songs sung, books written, words said, retracted than said again; it seems an unceasing and complicated question indeed. I have prided myself in how far I have grown in the past two years, only to open my eyes to me in the same place I vowed never to be again. And how did that happen? I let myself think, for just a moment, that I was above all that. I'm not, obviously. I am not an unwaivering, unemotional slab of granite, sure in the fiercest hurricanes, however much I wish it to be true. Sometimes I think God lets us fail horribly so we can look up from where we collapsed and realize, once again, who really is in control.
I just wished I didn't have to fall to see, ya know?
How can I live in one world and daily strive to be in another?
I think I'm going to go write a self help book....for myself.
