Expectation

I'm always stuck when I come up disappointed and short, when I let the volatile mixture of imagination and expectation plan out events whose simple existence is a stretch. And so I beg. I plead, I haggle, I bargain to try to get what I want, when I want, how I want, in my terms, to satisfy that expectation that really is just an outlet of my deep seeded fears. I treat God like he runs a marketplace and I'm both a petulant child and a savvy businesswoman. I'm needing to curb the loftiness of my expectations. Cling to hope and not live each day in a perpetual letdown. Because it has been a constant tripping over letdowns these past few months and I can't handle it. I need to lower my expectations to something realistic instead of the stratosphere fiction sells as fact and I believe.