I got this email from my friend Sean, who is teaching English in Japan. Sean is a tall kid with shaggy hair and a deep baritone voice and is not typically prone to bouts of goofiness like this, which makes the following story all the better:
"I arrive at one of my two elementary schools and I'm told that there will be an assembly on "healthy living". I thought oh real fun. Although my attention span for listening to Japanese has increased over the year, listening to two hours of it kills me. So I get to the assembly, sit next to some of my students and begin to zone out. Half an hour passes, I catch the occasional phrase, drink milk, go to bed early and eat your vegetables...So you can have your morning poo....My ears pick up....What did the school nurse just say? Now my attention has returned. Did I hear wrong? Did she just say that you need to have a healthy morning poo? oh yes. She did.
Now my Japanese is not great, but I know enough to know she said morning poo. In fact, literally translated, it was good morning poo. I wait and sure enough, comes the talk on the ohayoo unchi (good morning poo). Three children bring out a big flipbook, illustrating the life and path of jiro, the morning poo. It is jiro`s job to explain how poos are formed, what to eat to have a good, healthy poo, what color your poo should be (brown it turns out). I am not joking when I say that someone had drawn pictures of a boy taking a poop. The story was narrated by some 4th, 5th and 6th grade students, Jiro being voiced by a 6th grade boy who delivered his lines without cracking a smile. In fact, no one laughed at the fact that there were illustrated bowel movements on stage. I was sitting next to third graders who looked at me like I was a child when I was laughing. Strange. My favorite quote from the story was,
boy: jiro, why is it good to take a good morning poop?
Jiro: because, wouldn't it be embarrassing to have to say to your teacher in the middle of class, "sensei, I have to take a poop. may I go to the toilet?"
now you may or may not believe me, but it gets better (or worse from your perspective). So they took the lovely illustrations away, jiro taught all the children why it is good to eat vegetables (they help you take a morning poop) why it is good to get up early (so you have time to take a morning poop) and why it is important to take a morning poop (you wont be a social outcast for having to take a poop in class). I didn't think it was possible to top that, until the finale...three 6th grade boys walk on stage with some strange headbands on. In Japan, there is a very distinctive way of drawing poop, every kid draws it the same way, it looks like brown whip cream basically. You know how when you put whip cream on, pumpkin pie, or a ice cream sundae, that kind of swirly motion (I'm sure there is a better way to describe it, but the longer I live here, the worse my English gets). Either way, there is no confusing it. Its poop. Now, what's funny is that these boys wore headbands with this poop drawing on their forehead. I'm not joking. It gives new credence to the term shit head haha. These three boys, without acting embarrassed or laughing walked on stage in front of the school, with pictures of poop on their forehead. At this point, I'm almost crying from laughter and having third graders ask me to be quiet. They come out and introduce themselves as the "poop brothers" and then proceed to give a quiz on poop (a lot of which I regretfully didn't understand). I shit you not. Get it. I made a funny."
And thus ended one of the more random emails in recent memory. I hope it made you laugh as hard as I laughed.
2 comments:
That was the funniest story I have heard in what seems like forever. A close second is from my sister, who is currently in China for the summer. She and my mother are staying in Beijing for a month helping to teach English to Chinese students of all ages. In any case, when they first got there, they toured the city to take in some of the sights. In my sister's first E-mail home, she commented on the pooping habits of the little boys! She said that they all ran around with the asses cut out of all their pants and they just pooped - at will - ANYWHERE! Then their mother's pooper-scoopered up after them. Like dogs. Seriously. Ever since then, my family, (mainly my 19 year old brother) has not been able to fully take in any of the cultural experiences my mom and sister have told us about because we are so transfixed on the fact that they have been walking around witnessing little boys poop in the middle of the park, streets, stores, etc. Spooner, I think we may have to repeal the ban on the category, "types of poopie" after this post. Talk about subtle (or not so subtle as the case may be) cultural differences!!!
You are correct: the category "Types of Poopie" has a whole new meaning after this post. Gone are the days of "ghost poopie"; we've moved into the much more interesting (and hilarious) "national poopies" of the world. Dylan would be proud.
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