Friday, September 28, 2007

Slow Progress

Well here it is, an ending of an era. I am officially no longer the proud owner of a MOAK (Mother of All Keys) at Windy Gap. I have no idea what 6:30am is going to look like on Monday but it will be an adjustment not grabbing that radio, those keys, that nametag and driving those 30 minutes; my quality time with NPR. I'm ready to leave, ready to not be in this holding pattern, but realizing I'm just moving on to do that elsewhere doesn't help much. I'm thankful to WG for the work, for the patience, the friendships and the lessons. I never quite fit in and most of the time I liked that. I'm really just going to miss the faces of friends. That consistency.

This past summer was a time of such promise for me, feeling sheer joy in potential. In jobs, friendships, relationships, the future, life in general, being in great shape. And I know potential is fickle, believe me, but this summer was the first time I ever actually entertained it. It was the first time I left my logic at home and let with my heart, and even where I am today I'm glad I did it. I lived differently if only for a short while. I don't know when or if I'll be able to do it again, but the simple notion that once in a while my mind is forced to relinquish control is a bit of hope for me. That's a slow progress.

How is potential detrimental to faith? Is it? Where do potential and faith cross—the making of ones own vague, idealistic plans in the face of eagerly seeking the will of God—and if they do cross, where is the compromise? Why are we made to hope so strongly when hope and faith often crash into each other?



Anyway, off to the beach in SC for a wknd away. Needed.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Things the Mean the Most Not to Mean the Things I Miss

There are times when the hand of God rests so vividly on me that I feel myself lead as if in a dance. And then there are moments when I cry out to feel a touch and silence shouts back. My love does not diminish; unfortunately my understanding does. Strange how confusion and anger bely my simple need to feel led.


Current Listens: “Girl in the War”--Josh Ritter. Great acoustic song--impressed with this guy on a regular basis. “A Sentence of Sorts in Kongsvinger”--Of Montreal (“I spent the winter on the verge of a total breakdown while living in Norway...”). “The Brotherhood of Man”--Innocence Mission. And, randomly, two 1994 albums: Indigo Girls' “Swamp Ophiela” and REM's “Monster” album. I still don't know what the frequency is, Kenneth.

Wild Weekend

Sorry haven't posted in a while. Here's a quick breakdown of the weekend that was:

Friday: Downtown after Five, free concert by Yo' Momma's Big Fat Booty Band and subsequent dancing-->quick bite at Bier Garden-->Salsa dancing at Mela's with Nate, John and Jane (don't be impressed, I didn't dance) --> booty dancing at Temptations til past 1. Note: I was in a tanktop, brown carrharts and old dirty rainbow flipflops. Total dancing outfit.


Saturday: Slept in--> “community festival” with Jane and Nant for hotdogs and people watching-->read, fretted, read, fretted-->downtown to meet up with Jess and her posse of drunk friends after their day at Brewgrass. I'd say 75% of downtown was Brewgrass patrons--> Dinner at Mamacita's-->decide to nix cabin camping plans with Jess and the crew. Too tired to deal with the really drunk-->On way back to car, meet up with Nate, Katherine and Andy-->French martini bar and best dessert EVER--> booty dancing at Temptations til past 1. These two occurrences I blame directly on Nate. He's so bootylicious he just has to dance.


Sunday-->Slept in-->met up with Jess and gang at Laughing Seed to say goodbye-->Get to see old high school friend Emily for the first time in, oh, 6 years or so-->wander downtown to peruse the shops--> Go home, change clothes, head to Nate's-->walk to Bier Garden to watch Redskins game with Nate, Anthony and Kara-->'Skins lose. I hate everyone-->all take cab to Ian and Tammy's for homemade piea night with whole gang-->Ride back to Nate's in the back of Katherine and Andy's station wagon-->watch episode of “Blackadder” with Nate-->booty dancing at Temptations til past 1 (no wait, that part I made up. I went home around 12:30 though.)


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Beer Tours

What a great weekend! Wow! My friends Jess and Helen drove down from VA to visit. I know them from AL and was literally giddy with excitement to have them in the Ashevegas. Chuck and Kelley, two other ALers, live in Brevard so the five of us had a weekend in the big city. Friday night we went out to Mayfel's for some down home dinner, then over to Jack of the Wood for pints and Sons of Ralph (with Ralph!) before slogging back to my house for some much needed sleep. Saturday morning I made bagels while they went out to the farmers market and we had a substantial (and carb heavy) breakfast. We had talks of climbing and hiking but our friend Tim was meeting us so we decided to stay in town til he came around. First stop: right down the road at French Broad Brewing Company for a tasting and a growler fill of the Wee Heavy-er. Then downtown to show off more of this great city. It was a PERFECT day weather-wise to be walking around—cloudless, mid-70s, breezy—idyllic really, and we walked everywhere, including stopping to get Chuck a cigar. Took a rest at Laughing Seed for a late lunch, where Tim met up with us (and Jane stopped by with Nant). Our full stomachs drove down to Dirty Jacks for a pitcher of their cask porter outside in the sunshine. At this point we thought we might as well visit as many breweries in town as possible, so we walked around the block to Asheville Brewing for pitchers of the Scottish Ale (a personal favorite) and some serious games of Cornhole. The sun was setting, so back to my house to pack a bag and caravan to Brevard. We made a big dinner of veggies, rice and peanut sauce, all got in our mummy bags and watched “Bourne Supremacy” (Jason Bourne is my future husband and I wanted to show him off) before crashing mightily onto our respective thermarests. And then came the giggles. Out of control. Everyone. I was choking from laughing. This morning my stomach muscles hurt. Love it.
Kind of goes along with the previous post—being with your people can make all the difference. Outdoor educators are a motley bunch but they get each other, and it is a mighty feeling, being understood.


Monday, September 17, 2007

My People

My friend Hatcher called me on Wednesday night to see how I was doing with the whole breaking up and moving on thing. I was busy trying to decide between cowboy boots or chacos (you know, the more important decisions in life) and she asked me why. “Oh, I'm going on a date,” I said. She laughed and didn't quite believe me. I told her about the strange and hilarious rash of dates I've had recently and her reasoning for it was so fitting. “Well, you are finally with your people. I shouldn't be surprised.” I thought that was a perfect explanation for what I've sought for years: my people. I think we are all searching for our people, those who get us, who we get, who make introductions easy and free flowing. And that really is how I feel about Asheville: it is full of people I understand and those who push me a little bit. I don't have to dress up, dumb down, hide passions or walk the line of decorum—I don't have to hide who I am in order to fit in. I feel like it's freed me up to be much happier, much more tolerant. Feeling home has killed my fight a little bit—my edges aren't quite so sharp, my fists aren't so keenly clenched. And that is good for everyone.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Mr. T Knows...

This one is for you, Jane. and Doug.
Ah-mazing.

Monday, September 10, 2007

The Beauty of Matter

I just pulled up to the grocery store on Friday afternoon when NPR did a little report on the death of Madeline L'Engle, most notably the author of A Wrinkle in Time. I did my shopping, got back in my car and cried a little bit. I confess I never read Wrinkle, but what I have read, and read yearly, is Glimpses of Grace, a daily devotional composed of L'Engle's writings, and through it she became very dear to me. I'm taking this tiny bit of virtual real estate and letting it be a memorial for such a prolific and passionate writer. Some of my favorite quotes:


“It is an extraordinary and beautiful thing that God, in creation, uses precisely the same tools and rules as the artist; he works with the beauty of matter; the reality of things; the discoveries of the senses, all five of them; so that we, in turn, may hear the grass growing; see a face springing to life in love and laughter; feel another human hand or the velvet of a puppy's ear; taste food prepared and offered in love; smell—oh, so many things: food, sewers, each other, flowers, books new-mown grass, dirt...
Here, in the offerings of creation, the oblations of story and song, are our glimpses of truth.”


“If we look at the makeup of the word disaster, dis-aster, we see dis, which means separation, and aster, which means star. So dis-aster is separation from the stars. Such separation is disaster indeed. When we are separated from the stars, the sea, each other, we are in danger of being separated from God...The house of God is not a safe place. It is a cross where time and eternity meet, and where we are—or should be—challenged to live more vulnerably, more interdependently. Where, even with light streaming in rainbow colours through the windows, we can listen to the stars.”


“When we deny our wholeness, when we repress part of ourselves, when we are afraid of our own darkness, then the dark turns against us, turns on us, becomes evil. Just as the intellect when it is not informed by the heart becomes vicious, so the intuition, the subconscious, when it is forcibly held below the surface, becomes wild, and until we look at it and call it by name, our own name, it can devour us.”


“We were bought with a price, and what has cost God so much cannot be cheap for us.”


“In a world where we're brainwashed by the media into thinking that life should be easy and painless and reasonable, it is not easy or painless or reasonable to be a Christian—that is, to be one who actually dares to believe that the power that created all the galaxies, all the stars in their courses, limited that power to the powerlessness of an ordinary human baby.
That's not reasonable.
It is equally unreasonable to believe that this ordinary baby grew into a man who was totally human and simultaneously totally divine. Who was, as the Athanasian Creed affirms, totally incomprehensible.”


“I wouldn't mind if to be a Christian were accepted as being the dangerous thing which it is; I wouldn't mind if, when a group of Christians meet for bread and wine, we might well be interrupted and jailed for subversive activities; I wouldn't mind if, once again, we were being thrown to the lions. I do mind, desperately, that the world “Christian” means for so many people smugness, and piosity, and holier-than-thouness. Who, today, can recognize a Christian because of “how those Christians love one another”?”


“Oh I am in awe of the maker of galaxies and geese, stars and starfish, mercury and men (male and female). Sometimes it is rapturous awe; sometimes it is the numinous dread Jacob felt. Sometimes it is the humble awe of knowing that ultimately I belong to God, to the Maker whose thumb print is on each one of us. And that is blessing.”


“The glorious message of Scripture is that we do not have to be perfect for our Maker to love us. All through the great stories, heavenly love is lavished on visibly imperfect people. Scripture asks us to look at Jacob as he really is, to look at ourselves as we really are, and then realize that this is who God loves.”


“Cardinal Suhard says, “To be a witness does not consist in engaging in propaganda, nor even in stirring people up, but in being a living mystery. It means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God did not exist.”


“And then there is a time in which to be, simply to be, that time in which God quietly tells us who we are and who he wants us to be. It is then that God can take our emptiness and fill it up with what he wants, and drain away the business with which we inevitably get involved in the dailiness of human living.”


“It is a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet and what is sand. It stops us from taking anything for granted.”


Hands down the best devotional I've ever done. I love to learn though living and not scripture alone. L'Engle had a deep, intimate, profoundly personal and real relationship with God; I hope the same for myself.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

What Time is It? MONTAGE Time!

Hey Kids it's MONTAGE TIME! Who doesn't love a montage, really? Anyway, some photos from the past week:
The view from Skybar, as mentioned in the previous post. This is looking west at the Grove Arcade and beyond. Awesome.
Robin being Robin. Who could ask for more, really. And Jane looking as sweet as ever.

Robin's Zack. That's right, he's taken.
For Caroline's 30th we went out to Elaine's Dueling Piano Bar at the Grove Park, which was so bad it was AMAZING. And it was a realtor's convention to boot. I mean, who needs more? Wow. Great group to go with and the people watching was stellar. But next time: bringing the flask and ordering cokes, cuz those dranks are PRICEY.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

State of the Union

  • Windy Gap offered me an extension so that I won't get and ulcer and I can get a *$(*&# job between now and the end of September. For this Windy Gap gets a big old sloppy kiss. Jenny Moffatt in particular. It's a metaphorical kiss Jenny, don't you worry. *$(*&# job could possibly get a knee to the groin or its own sloppy kiss depending on the outcome. Did you hear that, *$(*&# job? Yeah, the choice is yours.

  • For a whole year I've been giggling at the fact that the company that makes the latches on several of the bathroom stalls at WG is called “HINEY HIDERS.” Yeah, you giggled too, didn't you?

  • I talked to my sister yesterday, and by talked I mean for 38 minutes I listened to her talk to her three children while I watched my cell minutes rack up. We are so close in age, yet on such completely different planets. I wish we'd be at the same place again; I miss her.

  • Today Caroline McGlade turns 30. Don't worry though, as long as she giggles at fart noises and makes up ridiculous songs, she's still a youngin'. With a nick-nack paddy whack.

  • Last weekend Beth and Grafton were in town for their first anniversary and I realized the best way to show people Asheville is to have them eat their weight in as many kinds of food as possible. New Asheville slogan: “Weird Town, Now Shut Up and Go Eat There.” Also: Mimosas at Early Girl Eatery: Choice my friend. Choice.

  • Speaking of Asheville, for Camden's birthday last week we had a party at the Skybar, a new spot in the Flat Iron building that is basically just martinis on their fire escape but it's on the 8th floor and they have an elevator operator and a pretty view of the Grove Arcade and the sunset, so well done, Skybar. “This drink is the same price as 10 PBRs.”--Robin, always keeping it in perspective.

  • I ran the lake zip yesterday and in two hours I had a total of 5 sets of rides. It was a chance to sit in quiet and pray and I needed it so badly. I love that I needed it; that's a change for me.

  • Kelly Willis is coming to the Grey Eagle on September 27th, Erin McKeown is coming October 13th, and “Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me” is coming to the Diane Wortham Theatre on November 15th. Who's in?

  • My iPod managed to erase itself randomly and at first I was really annoyed but now I'm sort of enjoying the fresh start of playlists and songs. An unwelcome clean slate but a clean slate nonetheless.

  • I'm not sleeping again. I wake up five or six times a night; my mind won't shut up. That or I have to pee, but that's just cuz of my bum prostate.

  • Trivia team names: Teen Wolf Blitzer or "Miss South Carolina Geography Squad"