Cognitive Crossroads

When I went back to Virginia for Christmas I was amazed to discover that my baby sister was calling me on the phone, wanting to 'hang out.' It was difficult for me to fathom that my little Katie was capable of making conversations, decisions, jokes and discussions. She's nine, but I have such a clear memory of her being born, of changing her diapers and watching her take her first steps that to see her concerned with her style of clothing (Old Navy) or with the music she likes (apparently a Beatles fan) blows my mind and fills me with pride. It's kind of strange realizing that yes, she is a cognitive human being instead of a reacting child! Yet I worry about her daily. Will she make the right choices? When the time comes to choose rebellion in success or in destruction, which path will she take? The other four of us took vastly different roads to get where we are; I pray she takes the most positive one. I want to be a big sister that she is close to, but being seven hours away for the past four years has put a major damper on the time I do get to spend with her--she grows and learns and changes and chooses and I am away, blind to the metamorphasis. It has an impact on where I want to go when I graduate. If I am far, am I able to be there for Katie when she needs me? And knowing how middle school is reassures me that yes she will need me soon...I do not want to sacrifice my dreams and ambitions, however I have a sister that may need my physical presence to be just a local call away. I don't know.