No Kidding...

Well I'm back from the program I worked this weekend w/Anna, Elena and Phil on the mighty Shenandoah River. We had the entire 9th grade of a private school for this two-day program, and Elena, Phil and I ran the same three miles of river three times...gotta love redundancy. It was my first program of the 2004 season, so I was a bit rusty to say the very least. By the second program on Sunday morning I was feeling a bit more into 'shape' to work with kids, and I had forgotten how much I love it (sometimes). It also helps having co-workers who you absolutely adore and who make you laugh so hard you may actually wet yo' drawls, but I digress. Last night when we got back from the program, I watched Anna interact with her daughters: Audrey (4) and Autumn (2) and again was struck by the roles women play in life and how easily they can shift from one to another, and how much more enriching is a life with youth in it. To have that influx of imagination, creativity, wonder, energy, enthusiasm, understanding and awe--it does something for those who are in proximity and to have the opportunity to influence and help guide those lives is intimidating and terrifying, but more gratifying than I could have ever imagined.

Tonight I helped Erin with YL club (guitar player understudies--we are a quality bunch)and again I was struck with how much I enjoy myself around kids, and how much I'd like to get to know these kids better.
For someone who never wants my own kids, I have a grand ol' time with them. Is that strange? I am amazed to be granted the biological tools to have another life created within me, however I don't think I am meant to be a mother. I appreciate what I have, I just choose to not ever use it.
I feeling as if I'm being pulled slowly toward work with youth--this makes me cringe in a way, but I will go where I'm sent. The only issue is my back, as after the latest trip I was having trouble standing straight or sitting for any period of time, and it was low-impact canoeing. ugh.
I am fallible, I am not invincible, I am overwhelmed, I am confused, and I am lacking in the easily-embarassed department...I guess I am older.
I guess I am not a kid anymore.