Open letter

Open letter to the cricket in my closet:
As you know, I live in a basement. My "window" is about four inches high and maybe 8" wide, and has trees and bushes planted outside of it. Very little light ever passes in. It is what you in the cricket world would call a "dream house" but what we humans like to call "very basement-esque". It is dark, it is damp, it is your dream come true.
However, it is my dark, damp room and not yours.
I'm assuming you moved in last night. Maybe you moved in a few days ago and if that's true then you were a very good roommate for those first nights. I felt like we could co-exist. However, I'm writing you about your behavior last night.
First off, 2AM is not a good time to belt out your cricket version of "Endless Love".
It is when I am trying to sleep. And though it was probably a very good version, it was not the time or the place for it. So I gave you subtle hints.
I closed the curtain at 4AM to separate you from what I can only assume is your captive audience, thinking maybe if you can't hear them, you'll stop singing. I was wrong. Your solo version of "Islands in the Stream" was lacking the beauty of the Dolly/Kenny version. I'm sorry I'm being honest.
And maybe you were drunk and didn't know they couldn't hear you. Or maybe you like to sing like no one is listening. Making your joyful noises to your cricket Jesus. I don't care.
So at 4:30 I turned on the AC, which can be fairly loud. I thought it'd be like the music they play to get people off the stage at the Oscars. I mean, the AC unit was winning in the ambient noise contest with you. But no, you moved on to Peter Cetera.
At 5 I was done with subtle hints. I closet the closet door and put a pillow over my ear. I think you got the hint then. Or I just drown you out. I don't know which was true but the fact still remains that we are at a crossroads. We need to come to an agreement, or I fear I may harm you with something large and heavy.
I'm out of my room from about 8am until 6pm. That is a long time, and with no light in there, I feel it is a more than adequate time to get your karaoke on.
If that doesn't work, I have two other roommates who would be more than happy to host you. Maybe do a little tour of Shady Grove.
I'm sorry to be so harsh, I just need to really set some boundaries. It's for your own good, really. When I'm awakened I'm not responsible for my actions, or the things that I may throw.
Regards,
-S