Can't Get It

It's hard to get the incident in Hokieland out of my head. Today was pouring over the list of names, double checking that they aren't any of "my" kids, aren't faces recognized. I think I need to talk through it in a way. I can't believe how hard it has hit me.

Some thoughts:
* My Aunt Tikki (nickname) was a student walking across the quad at UT-Austin in 1966 when the shooter was picking off people from the clocktower. She was thrown into a bush by a fellow student and told to stay down. My mom's words, "She didn't get trauma training. Grief counseling. They were told to go on with their lives. And they did." I don't know what to make of that. Usually my mom is very pro-therapy.
* Many of the students at Tech are from NoVa. These are the same students who, in 2002, had their Homecomings and football seasons cancelled by the DC sniper. This is the second time in their lives that a madman with a gun has anonymously mowed down those around them. How do we explain to them that this isn't how we "do" it in America? What evidence do we provide?
* How long will we keep denying that there is something seriously wrong with this gun culture of ours? I mean, I know how to shoot. I got my first rifle when I was 13. I will probably own a gun when I live alone. But my dad taught me to shoot for the same reason he taught me how to punch and how to drive a stick: "I hope you won't, but just in case you are ever in a situation where you will need to know this." But there is a big difference between knowing how to shoot and owning weapons simply designed to kill as many as quickly as possible.
* Gun Culture: when we have phrases like "shoot first and ask questions later", "go out with guns blazin'", "dead or alive", "shoot up the place", "business end of a gun", "lock n' load" in our lexicon then we are propagating the use of guns as an emotional release. We accept, however unintentionally, that cowboy mentality and the masculinity of it.
* Anger. What causes this anger? What makes all these other emotions stew and boil until they burst forth in the "manly" emotion of anger? (that's not anti-men, that's asking "what vunerable emotions do we allow guys to feel without getting on them for being 'weak' or 'small' or 'feminine'?)
* How do we, as a culture, stop desensitizing ourselves from each other? I wrote about this phenomenon back in September (here) and it breaks my heart even as I do it. How do we switch from self-importance to community?
* Why is it that I can say names like McVeigh, Klebold, Harris and now Cho and we all know what I'm talking about, but I can't remember the name of a single victim? Do we sort of grant them their Warhol minutes, even if it's post-mortem?