Dear Ice Cream Truck with "Accepts Food Stamps" spray painted on its side,
No.
Love,
Spooner
Dear Fantasy Football team owners who drafted Tom Brady and were smug about it,
Ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha.
Love,
Coach Spooner (record: 2-0)
Dear Sarah Palin,
Thank you for making me decide firmly against McCain. I was a little wishy-washy but the pick of you as a VP totally solidified that I will now be voting against you. Now go eat a mooseburger and teach kids that "abstinence is the only way". Way to go, new grandma.
Love,
Spooner
Dear Celebrities, VMAs and stuff read in gossip columns,
Thank you for once again out crazying yourself. And for allowing me to feel the same way I feel in Wal-Mart: like I'm the smartest, most stable, probably most normally attractive person there.
Love,
Spooner
Dear Washington Post,
Thank you for the Anti-Wedding story, complete with a scavenger hunt (with the theme "Death and Taxes") and a protest AS WELL AS an attempted wedding in Wegmans (BEST GROCERY STORE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE) and a call to the ACLU. Way to fight the Wedding Industrial Complex.
Till debt do us part,
Spooner
Dear Saranac Brewing,
So glad you are back. I love you. Never leave again. Leave the burnanating to Trogdor.
Hug hug, kiss kiss,
Spooner
Dear Spellcheck,
Thank you for reminding me that "crazying", "Trogdor" and "burnanating" are not actually words. I was so sure I was right.
Bet you don't like bootylicious either.
No, no you don't.
Love,
Spooner
3 comments:
may i tack my name at the end of your "dear sarah palin" letter?
Me too! Spooner that is exactly how I feel. I wasn't obsessed with McCain, but I did consider voting for him (gasp!). Now, though? F*ck no.
"I should be vice president because I drive to work."
Are you kidding me??
i am laughing. real hard, at you.
you funny.
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