Time once again for one of my favorite segments on le Blog, "Song Lyrics I Really Don't Believe" enjoy and have a happy weekend.
"Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?" --Liz Phair
(Two questions: 1. Are you talking to a plastic grocery bag, while wearing a plastic grocery bag? 2. Do you only think of your beau when you are underwater? If the answer is no to the two above questions, then the conclusion I can come up with is that you are a moron. You need to learn to breathe and think at the same time. J.Lo stuggled with this and staying real so you aren't alone)
"I believe the children are our future..." --Whitney Houston
(YA THINK!?)
"I wanna soak up the sun..."--Sheryl Crow
(No you don’t. Look at you, Sheryl Crow. You are 46 going on 32. If there is one thing you don’t do, it’s soak up the sun. Bronzer yes, sun no.)
"You can stand under my umbrella..." -Rihanna or however that is spelled
(Now that’s love. I wasn’t sure if Rihanna really liked him before that, but now that she has graciously offered to let him stand under her umbrella, then I totally know it’s LOVE. Rihanna, I doubt you use an umbrella. You probably have a music-label intern in a Gucci poncho that is carried above you by your body guards. And singing “you can stand under my intern...ern...ern...ern” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it).
"I remember when I lost my mind..."--Gnarls Barkely
(Dear Gnarls Barkley: If you can remember when you lost your mind, then you probably didn’t lose it. Maybe you misplaced it. Or maybe instead of singing about it you could make some little posters for “LOST MIND” or call some friends, see if you left it at their place.)
"How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends..."--Michael Bolton
(Michael I don’t want to be the one to explain this all to you in detail, but I’ll give you a hint: tequila.)
5 comments:
Liz Phair can't breathe when she thinks about driving home from Charleston after a bucket of beer and some chicken nachos at Red's because the day was so awesome. Obviously, that's what she meant.
And, well, Michael Bolton, you clearly have never listened to Angel of the Morning. Think about it before you write your next song. Or, better yet, just don't write any more songs. No talent assclown.
Thank you so much for bringing "Angel of the Morning" into this.
Cuz really, I didn't get enough of that last year.
hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahhhhhhhhahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahoooooooohahahahahahahahahpeemypantshahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaooooooaaaaahhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahem
Thank you even more for bringing an Office Space quote into this. Best blog post subject EVER!
i like this gem from "low" as sung by flo rider and t-pain:
"i'mma say that i prefer them no clothes." and i say "huh?"
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