I've been in email banter with my ex recently, which is a blatant bad idea. That being said, I love email banter, and he is very good at it, so it's been enjoyable in that baby-pool depth that is banter sort of way. The other day he said I was inconsistent, and I agreed, saying that I found people who weren't inconsistent not only boring but liars (and aren't boring liars the worst kind? If someone is going to lie to me I'd much rather have it be a great story than something mundane and banal). But then I started to think about the comment about being inconsistent. I believe it was Walt Whitman that said, “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.” which I have always loved and found to be true. Of course I contradict myself, of course I'm inconsistent, of course on some issues I stand firm and others I waiver sporadically. Of course I can beat you at a carbomb and then talk to you about the gospel; they are not mutually exclusive and neither am I. I contain multitudes; I am much. I think that's what being a dynamic person is about; part of being a true person is understanding the contradictions and inconsistencies that make up who they are and then being able to reconcile or apologize for them. I am not saying inconsistencies are reflections on the best of us; hardly, they often make clear the cracks and crumbles within. And I have many that require explanation and many more that require apology. I guess that is the burden that comes from containing a multitude.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, October 15, 2007
Friends (for now)
So this friendship thing with guys has me thinking. I have a problem with close opposite-gender friendships and this is why: they can work fabulously until one of the friends finds someone else they want to date and/or marry. Then the friendship is doomed. If I ever get married/am in a serious relationship, I don't want my husband/boyfriend to still be confiding in a girl friend of his, just as I don't want to be confiding in a guy friend of mine. If I'm married, I expect me to be my husband's best friend and vice versa and I don't want to be seeking that companionship elsewhere. I don't think it's good for any relationship, for trust, for building a life together. Close friends of the opposite sex become obsolete. So what is the point in being in a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex (whom you know you will never date) when from the start it will be a transient relationship? It's planned obsolesce! If someone can explain it to me I'd be more than happy to listen, I just can't see the point of being close friends with someone you will just lose to another. I want friendships that don't have such a shelf-life. I love having guy friends, don't get me wrong. I mean many of my friends are guys--great to hang out, have a few laughs, make fun of each other, etc. It's those really close, BFF type of friendships I don't see as rational. That's where the trouble lies. I mean unless he's gay, that close friendship is ending three ways:
You both fall for each other. Yippie!.
One of you falls/pines for the other. Rejected. Ouch.
One of you falls for someone else, ergo dumping friend. Friend is burn-a-nated.
I mean maybe I'm wrong, but those are the only conclusions I've ever witnessed. I know I'm sounding cynical, but I feel I'm being realistic. I simply don't want close guy friends, or at least any more of them. I'll keep my guy friends, but just at a bit of a distance.