Last year my friend Jenny told me that 23 was my Jordan year (as in Michael, THE #23 of basketball) and that it would prove to be great. This year Jenny, Grafton and I sat outside with cigars and beer, looking at the stars, smiling and laughing how time changes us.
23 had a great start to it, but proved to be probably the toughest year of my life so far.
23 was a very real cancer scare. 23 was quitting jobs and Summer staff. 23 was buying my first car. 23 was moving, lots of rejection, and heartache that I cannot begin to fully understand. 23 was the loss of dear friendships and the birth of relationships that are diamonds in the rough. 23 was another year of watching parental ambitions decay. 23 was just hard all around--it wasn't the monumental, it was the day to day hits. I have never felt so alone.
I wish I could say I have major goals and/or expectations for 24, but I really don't. Everything that I had planned to be at 24 has faded, faltered, or fallen away, and I'm gradually learning to be ok with having my perfect ideas not be the be all end all. I'm learning to place my ambitions and ideas above the not-so-even keel that is life. I do believe that there is a plan for my life; I'm just tired of trying to write my own roadmap to happiness.
So here's to you, 24! My Jeff Gordon year (whenever you say this, Grafton throws up a little bit in his mouth...I suggest you try it). will be grand, will foster growth, maturity, hilarity, tears, love, heartbreak, frustration, mistakes, embarrassment, anecdotes and nostalgia that I can only imagine right now. I'm cautiously optimistic.
Day synopsis:
It started out well--early this morning I was roused by the doorbell, and there was Hatcher with a feather boa and a crown that said "I RULE", waking me up, forcing me to get dressed and go out for coffee and breakfast with Natalie. It was wonderful, albeit a bit stressful for me pre-coffee. Not gonna lie, almost cried.
Got tons of voice mails, IMs, cards and thoughts from friends far and wide, and could feel the love, which was the best gift so far.
Went out for ice cream with youngest sister and oldest sister (age gap: 21 years), 2-year-old niece, mother and step-father. Niece is amazing. Love the niece.
Went to Graftons. Had cigars. Got goodie bag of glowing things from Jenny. Spent 20 minutes with the lights off, trying to play catch with a flashing red bouncy ball and matching strobe rings. Giggled incessantly. Knew then that the year of maturity would be at bay for just a little while longer.
And that, I think, is the most optimistic part of the whole process. At least I'm still giggling.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Some Pig
Yesterday evening I was sitting at the stoplight in the middle of Purcellville when this Khabota cart went speeding by, with this guy in a pig outfit riding in the back and waiving. For no clear reason. I burst out laughing. Thankfully they swung by the gas station while I was there, allowing me to stop and snap this shot. Oh small towns, you deserve your own therapy session.
Monday, May 16, 2005
For the Birds
Had the day off, mowed the lawn.
I may enjoy mowing the lawn more than I should; I do it because it relaxes me.
I was in the company of avian wonders; flight and fancy flittered about.
The bold color of the male American goldfinches invoked the yellow shadings another, more domesticated cousin. Their flight pattern is so familiar to me, with their wavelike path through the sky; little peaks and valleys of starts and stops; sprinters in the air. The bawdy red of the cardinals in the lilac, their crowns erect and their dark masks hiding the darting eyes. The audacity of the mockingbird never ceases to make me laugh; the calls and cries of noises around them replayed out their beaks, their bravado in protecting both territory and offspring.
For a few minutes I literally stopped what I was doing to look up in wonder at a red shouldered hawk soaring circles above me; close enough that the plumage was in detail. The blue jays, the finches, the LBJs (technical term for Little Brown Jobbies...mostly sparrows) , the mourning doves, the ruby throated hummingbirds that make traversing the yard dangerous at times, the swallows feeding at dusk--these matter to me. Exactly why I am not sure, but there is a strange and overwhelming peace that comes from the day to day of these creatures.
And the mysterious Siamese cat that hid in the tall grass and watched my every move, even as my riding mower got closer than most pets would allow. She did nothing but stare at me, and crouch when I got too close. I don't liked to be watched like that; sometimes it feels they know something.
Then my cousin and his dog came over and the dog spent half the time happily licking my foot. Sometimes I just love the stupid simplicity of dogs.
I may enjoy mowing the lawn more than I should; I do it because it relaxes me.
I was in the company of avian wonders; flight and fancy flittered about.
The bold color of the male American goldfinches invoked the yellow shadings another, more domesticated cousin. Their flight pattern is so familiar to me, with their wavelike path through the sky; little peaks and valleys of starts and stops; sprinters in the air. The bawdy red of the cardinals in the lilac, their crowns erect and their dark masks hiding the darting eyes. The audacity of the mockingbird never ceases to make me laugh; the calls and cries of noises around them replayed out their beaks, their bravado in protecting both territory and offspring.
For a few minutes I literally stopped what I was doing to look up in wonder at a red shouldered hawk soaring circles above me; close enough that the plumage was in detail. The blue jays, the finches, the LBJs (technical term for Little Brown Jobbies...mostly sparrows) , the mourning doves, the ruby throated hummingbirds that make traversing the yard dangerous at times, the swallows feeding at dusk--these matter to me. Exactly why I am not sure, but there is a strange and overwhelming peace that comes from the day to day of these creatures.
And the mysterious Siamese cat that hid in the tall grass and watched my every move, even as my riding mower got closer than most pets would allow. She did nothing but stare at me, and crouch when I got too close. I don't liked to be watched like that; sometimes it feels they know something.
Then my cousin and his dog came over and the dog spent half the time happily licking my foot. Sometimes I just love the stupid simplicity of dogs.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Current
Current Reads:
"The Time Traveler's Wife" Audrey Niffenegger
"Searching for God Knows What" Donald Miller
"Brief History of Nearly Everything" Bill Bryson (I've been reading this for 4 months, its not a quick book. Pick up, put down, process. lather, rinse, repeat.)
"Reading Lolita in Tehran" Azar Nafisi
"Take the Cannoli" Sarah Vowell (this one is on deck)
Current Listens:
"Back to Me" Kathleen Edwards
"Woman King" Iron and Wine
"Shining Like a National Guitar" Paul Simon
"The Mysterious Production of Eggs" Andrew Bird
"Wayward Angel" Kasey Chambers
Current Events:
Bobo returns home w/my niece--May 17th
Birthday--May 27th
DaSpoons in LoCo--June 3rd
Big B-Day BBQ Bash--June 4th
Third Annual Anna/Spooner IG show--June 8th
Old Dominion Brewfest--June 24-26th
Current Thoughts:
(1) In the context of spirituality, what does "perfect will" mean exactly?
(2) When is enough enough?
(3) Can I fit all my stuff in an 8' x10' room?
(4) Lately I've really been feeling super annoying. I am annoyed with me, and I am me.
(5) Is there any hope for us Blue State Christians? I don't want to be a pioneer.
(6) How does one suggest movement would not be discouraged without doing the moving themselves?
(7) Pilades or Yoga?
"The Time Traveler's Wife" Audrey Niffenegger
"Searching for God Knows What" Donald Miller
"Brief History of Nearly Everything" Bill Bryson (I've been reading this for 4 months, its not a quick book. Pick up, put down, process. lather, rinse, repeat.)
"Reading Lolita in Tehran" Azar Nafisi
"Take the Cannoli" Sarah Vowell (this one is on deck)
Current Listens:
"Back to Me" Kathleen Edwards
"Woman King" Iron and Wine
"Shining Like a National Guitar" Paul Simon
"The Mysterious Production of Eggs" Andrew Bird
"Wayward Angel" Kasey Chambers
Current Events:
Bobo returns home w/my niece--May 17th
Birthday--May 27th
DaSpoons in LoCo--June 3rd
Big B-Day BBQ Bash--June 4th
Third Annual Anna/Spooner IG show--June 8th
Old Dominion Brewfest--June 24-26th
Current Thoughts:
(1) In the context of spirituality, what does "perfect will" mean exactly?
(2) When is enough enough?
(3) Can I fit all my stuff in an 8' x10' room?
(4) Lately I've really been feeling super annoying. I am annoyed with me, and I am me.
(5) Is there any hope for us Blue State Christians? I don't want to be a pioneer.
(6) How does one suggest movement would not be discouraged without doing the moving themselves?
(7) Pilades or Yoga?
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