Never Come Back

Lately I've been looking hard for reasons to not be frustrated. I'm in a job that leaves me mentally mushy with lousy pay, I live at home, I have a car that's so bad it should be on "Pimp My Ride", I am so single my parents think I'm gay, half my friends have moved on, and my back is so seriously messed up that I have watched a whole year pass without the ability to participate in any activities I love (I haven't paddled since Bull Falls was nearly flood stage last May) or do anything without constant and grating pain. There's a lot to be frustrated about.
But today the prospect of just one of those issues being remedied makes the whole lot seem less daunting. Soon my back may be fixed; I might be healed. I can handle living at home if I don't wake up in pain. I'm fine being single anyway, but even better when I can be comfortable just sitting in a chair. I can deal with a car that breaks down if I can walk without having to lay down for the rest of the day. I'm fine missing an eddy turn and totally getting douched if it means that I can actually carry my boat by myself at the end of the day. I'm tired of being weak and slouched and in pain all the damn time! I'm tired of it! I don't want it! And if they have to give me a friggin' new spine I'll take it! A friend the other day asked if I was nervous or scared about surgery; I honestly hadn't thought about it--the only thought I could imagine was the first one waking up out of a drugged state and not feeling, for the first time in years, back pain. I will cry, simply out of joy. It is a notion that I can only distantly imagine right now. And I don't like to make an issue of it because it's my own personal physical pain, but on the day that I move without back pain I will understand that much more the feelings of the paralyzed man whose friends dropped him through the ceiling before Jesus and who was healed, spritually and physically. Christ has healed me spiritually; now I'm just waiting for him to say, "Take up your mat and go home." I will be a different person.
I'm ready to be different.
My first apt is June 8th.