Allegiance

So my friend Dylan, whom I love and adore, let me borrow a book a few weeks ago and I'm about half-way through. It's The Story of B by Daniel Quinn, the author of Ishamel, a book every ESFer* has read some time or another (I own it if you need to borrow it). The Story of B is basically about population growth and food sources, but is told as a novel so its at least interesting. It also addresses the idea of the Antichrist and other bastions of religiousity. Well today I read this excerpt, and it really broke my heart.
"Always has been my guiding principle for forty years to say, 'Never trust a Christian.' Not once has [a Christian] ever given me a reason to change...Always your allegiance is in doubt, is....tainted. Your loyality is always subject to change. Always subject to revision according to some line inside of you that marks the beginning of your allegiance to God. If I unknowingly cross that line, then, although you continue to smile at me like a friend, you may see that it has become your holy duty to destroy me. This week you're my friend, but next week they say I'm a witch and God wants witches to be burned, so you burn me. This week you're my friend, but next week they say I'm an Anabaptist and God wants Anabaptists to be drowned, so you drown me. This week you are my friend, but next week they say I'm a Waldensian and God wants Waldensians to be hanged, so you hang me."
I think if someone ever said that to me, I would burst into tears. I hate being tied to history like that; I want to sever myself from it, but invaribly I am just as bad, to be that person who will smile like a friend then do something contraray. How I long to be genuine in every situation. I've been struggling with doubt lately but not about my personal faith, rather about larger theological concepts: anthropocentrism, Absolutes, anthropological history--you know, those fluffy topics you think of while taking a shower or waiting at a red light. This book doesn't help, nor does listening to Tori Amos. I've done a lot of both lately. Bah.

*ESFer: one who attended the State University of New York-College of Environmental Science and Forestry at Syracuse. Other books almost every ESFer has read/owns: A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold; Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond; Silent Spring by Rachel Carson, at least three Peterson's Field Guides.