Yertle the Turtle

Another all-too-exciting night in the world of Spooner....
Tonight a friend and I were playing around on those online tests one can take, as we are female and we tend to absolutely love these things; they are like crack to the internet-savy chick. Why is this?
Anyway, I took one that was called "Discover Your Past Life" as I think past lives are a hilarious idea and about as pertinant to my present day as my present day will be to my future encarnation, which will probably be a worm of sorts. Here's what the test found for me:
Come on out of your shell — in your former life you were a turtle name Gifford. The details are a bit sketchy, but we do have a brief summary based on public records: You were born in a small pond beside a saloon. Despite having an exceptionally athletic father, you seemed to prefer sunbathing and mud baths to more active pursuits. Contrary to the rumor, your favorite color was never green, but actually blue. Few people knew that you were a talented poet because most of your work was destroyed during a flash flood that swept away not only your library, but your entire community. Fortunately you had the pluck to survive, settle down, make some eggs, and live happily ever after with your wife Melinda and your 20 offspring.

That might be the most fantastic thing I've read in recent memory, short of that story Murphy sent me about the man who peed his way out of the avalanche.