Pass it On

We got to church a little late this morning--attribute it to a late, lonely night and a sincere desire to not face today. Sat in the very back with the rest of the tardy parishioners...I don't particularly like churches, never have. I get nervous and distracted, and end up leaving more stressed than I was when I walked in--not the desired outcome of time spent in a house of God, but what can ya do. This morning there was this little girl about 3 years old in front of me. During the worship her father held her, so she was staring over his shoulder...right at me. We made eye contact; I smiled. She smiled. As we sat back down, I realized something: as much as I have no desire to have children, nor do I possess any sort of maternal instinct, if I do not have children my father will never be a biological grandfather. My father's gene's will die with me. I do not want kids because they'd be a part of me, I'd want them because they'd be a part of him. It's the same reason I'd want a traditional-sort of wedding: so my dad can give me away. It's a bit cheesy I know, but it matters to me to see him proud and happy. I don't know why this came up today. I mean I still don't want children, but I guess that epiphany adds a bit of sadness to the whole thing.