The Truth is Like a Second Chance

A few quick notes...

Yes, I’ve been very busy lately. I had a period of time when I was out 12 days straight and the only reason I stayed in that 13^th day was because I was too tired to move. Summertime brings out the social in all of us.

I’ve had nights on roofs, nights on late walks, nights full of silence, nights full of song and a conspicuous lack of nights full of tears. I am so blessed.

My job has picked up. It has gotten more challenging and I still love it.

I went camping this past weekend with several friends. We were planning it for over a month and a half; I was thrilled to see it all come together. On the trip we had a bear. The bear managed to somehow get up to where my tent was and knock it over, putting a hole in its process of scouring our campsite. Bastard bear. I got that tent when I was 13 or 14. It is where I stayed on all my camping trips with my dad and brother that we took at least once a summer. It went to Canada with me three times; I have distinct memories of falling asleep in it with my guitar and my dog beside me. Lots of sentimental value. Just gotta get a new one now, make some new memories.

Just ate an ice cream sundae. I immediately regret that decision. Ice cream does not like me much.

Two weeks ago one of my oldest and dearest friends, Megan, was in town along with ol’ Nathan H. They were doing a 100 mile century ride in the mountains around here, evidence that they are gluttons for punishment. The first night we went to the Chocolate Lounge and in walked Katherine/Andy/Ena and Nathan E. The six of us sat down around the big table and began to chat. It took a moment to realize that all six of us had attended the same high school, seven hours away from where we sat. Andy had started there in 1990; Nathan H had graduated in 2000. We spanned a decade. Amazing.

Tomorrow is the start of Bele Chere. The past two years I have intentionally skipped out of town; this year I am excited to stay for the simple reason that Dar Williams is coming. A free Dar Williams show. I can handle that. I started listening to Dar in 1996 and haven’t seen her live since a show I went to with Emilie in 2003 in Ithaca. How far away that seems.
This is a favorite Dar song. It’s about depression but has some of the more poignant lyrics I’ve heard on the subject. “It felt like a winter machine that you go through and then/you catch your breath and winter starts again/and everyone else is spring bound.” Ugh. What a description.

I love the line, “When you live in a world, it gets in to who you thought you'd be.” Can’t wait for the show.

And to mess with you, check out this cover that Dar Williams and Ani DiFranco did in 2005. It is in my top five favorite covers of all time. Video is lame, song is amazing.

As Cool As I Am

I have been going non-stop for about a week and a half and it's taken its toll. I'm not complaining; I love my social events and don't like to miss them but I am currently very tired. Two weeks ago I had back spasms so badly I felt like I could flip a quarter on it without trying. I had muscle spasms in my arm that felt like someone was poking me. They actually woke me up and I turned to make sure there wasn't someone standing there. Very odd sensation. Feeling so keenly a human touch that didn't actually exist.

I'm thinking about the fight or flight instinct currently, as I do believe I've grown so tired of the fight that I've turned to fleeing and doing so in whatever manner I can. I think that is a part of the appeal of perpetual social engagements. Stay distracted, stay moving, keep spinning. There is a line in an old Dar Williams song where she talks about seeing a girl out in a club:

“The whole bar is loud and proud and everybody's trying yeah
You play the artist, saying is it how she moves or how she looks
I say it's loneliness suspended to our own like grappling hooks
And as long as she's got noise she's fine
But I could teach her how I learned to dance
When the music's ended.”

I think that's what it is. I need to learn to dance when the music has ended, to be OK in the stillness, not get crushed underneath the fight when I finally sit out a flight.

(post is called "As Cool As I Am" not because I think I'm cool, but because that's the name of the song I quote. And also maybe cuz I think I'm pretty cool. Maybe not.)