Not What I Would Have You Be

Notes:

* Last night I had a dream in which Natalie drove up to me in her Volvo wagon. We were in Hamilton and she looked happy and healthy and as I was running toward her car I was yelling to the people around to take a photo of me with her, to show the world her happy and healthy face, to have proof of her there with me. It was so vivid. I woke up exhausted.

* I got a new phone the other week, an HTC Droid. I am in love with this device. I was already in a very serious, almost unhealthy relationship with my old phone and now that I've upgraded to Verizon's version of the iPhone I am hopelessly committed to my tiny technology. A few weeks ago I had several friends in town and we did the massive brewery tour known as Ducks & Bears. At the first brewery I got up to get samples and while I was gone, my friends decided to hide my phone and see how long it took for me to notice. Verdict? 120 seconds. Actually it was about 45 seconds, but it took me those extra seconds to ask them about it. See? Possibly unhealthy.

* I'm trying to get better about being honest about how I feel. For a few years I've been trying to be someone who was more relaxed than I actually am, someone who was good with maybes and "let's see where this goes" and know what? I'm not. I'm terrible at that. No mas! I'm embracing my need for definition!

* I know I'm not too funny on my blog, but I swear I'm pretty funny in real life. At least I think I'm funny. I crack myself up every single day. I had a thought about Miami Sound Machine like four days ago that I'm still laughing about.

* My cubicle is a serious shitshow. I need to put away some files; it looks like a box of papers vomited all over my desk. That is both truthful and kinda metaphorical.

* Know what is a great damn song? "Alligator" by Tegan and Sara. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love those wonder twins. My current favorite song to play on guitar is "Call it Off" by them; the line "Maybe I would've been something you'd be good at" just kills me. Also: they are wicked funny.

* There is a game on my phone called Drop. Betsy currently has the high score between the two of us. I finally beat her last night but this morning she pulled ahead again. It is slightly embarrassing how badly I want to beat her at this (guess who needs a new hobby).

* Natalie Merchant, yes she of 10,000 Maniacs fame, is back with a new concept album and what I've heard of it I've really enjoyed. She's taken poems from the 19th and early 20th centuries and turned them into song. Check it out.

* I'm exchanging social media classes for free wine. I met the general manager of a local wine bar, talked to her about Twitter and here we are. Best idea ever.

* 29 is coming up quick. What do I do about that?

* Last week I had a speed Scrabble/margarita night with the ladies. These are entirely necessary and should happen as often as possible. I pulled muscles laughing. Please note: jahats is not a word. Ahem.

* Friday night my friend Andrew's band had a show at the Grey Eagle. It was fabulous. I was super impressed with their opening act, Boys of Summer. Reminds me of Hem with a dash of Innocence Mission. Check 'em. Seriously great.

* Saw this quote today from Madeline L'Engle and I love it: "Because you are not what I would have you be, I bind myself to who, in truth, you are." That sounds like what I suspect love is but I don't know.

* My father called me the other day to hear my analysis on the Redskins signing McNabb. I talked for 10 minutes straight about it and he said, "Yup, can always count on you for better analysis than the commentators." Football is a way we connect, a language we both speak, so that was a huge compliment.

* I'm missing people even when they are standing next to me. Is there a name for this?

* This blog is brought to you by the letter N and the number 9.

"Hello Help?"

I love Facebook; I have a lot of fun on Facebook. One reason I have so much fun on Facebook is because I entertain myself so easily and I have friends who are exceptionally good at it as well. A few months ago, I made my status into a game (it’s a favorite thing of mine to do), the category being “Movie Plots Made Irrelevant by the Advent of the Cell Phone” and asked friends to chime in. It is as easy as it sounds. Here are a few of the submissions, as well as reasons why they wouldn’t work anymore had a cell phone been part of the plot.

Kujo. "Hello, 911? Yes, I'm stranded in my car on a country road and there is a mad crazy dog outside trying to get in. Already killed someone. Could you send a squad and some big guns? Thanks."

An Affair to Remember. "Hey I was on my way there but I got run over...meet me at hospital and we'll chat?"

Misery. “Trapped by Kathy Bates. She has hammer, I have ankles. Come quick.”

Every single Batman movie, they don't need the sign in the sky. Then AT&T would know who Batman is.

Into the Wild. “Yo! Need sandwich. I’m in the bus. There’s a bridge ½ mile upstream? Really? Shoot…my bad.”

The Little Mermaid (texting of course): "Eric, I'm a mermaid and if you don't kiss me, crazy sea lady will kill us all. U R cute. Love Ariel."

Pretty Woman. "Hey Lawyer-guy/future George Costanza, I can't drive your bloody Lotus like a man, so could you come pick my weak ass up before this really tall girl from Mystic Pizza pseudo-hooker tries to pick me up?"

Seven. "Honey if Kevin Spacey knocks on the door DO NOT ANSWER IT."

Titanic: "I'm the freezing chick in the water who just let go of Jack (over here where the sad music is playing). Please get your damn boat over here now! I can’t yell but I’ll play my ringtone really loud for you.”

Every horror movie EVER: "Hello? 911? There is some psycho something about to chase me. I am going run outside, screaming, looking behind me the whole time, and then I am going to trip. Come find me before it's too late."

Fight Club. "Why is it every time I try to call Tyler Durden I get my own voice mail? Hmmm...."

Labyrinth. "Mom? Can't find little bro. Think Bowie kidnapped him. Call cops?"

Jaws: "Hello, there is a huge-ass angry shark headed towards our boat and he's been chasing us for a couple of days. We tried to kill it ourselves, but have recently deemed ourselves idiots and decided that might not be the best option."

Silence of the Lambs: "Hello, 911? Some hella creepy dude is trying to make a size-14 skin suit outta my ass. Send help immediately to 421 Scary-Torture-Pit-In-The-Basement Way."

Citizen Kane: "BTW, Rosebud was my sled. Ya'll kiss it."

Forrest Gump. "Hello Jenn-ay? You are around the corner? I'm at the bus stop. Be right there."

Robin Hood: "Hey, Richard? Yeah, that Nottingham guy is acting like a giant douche. Screw the Crusades, get back here and get your sh*t straight."

Every James Bond movie ever: "Hey Henchman? Yeah, it's the Head Villian Dude. Change of plans: shoot the British guy in the face."

Sleepless in Seatle. Meg Ryan: I'm on the Empire State Building.....you? Tom Hanks: See ya in a minute.

The Notebook. "Hey, you get my letters? No? Your mom is a B. I love you, bought us a house. Check it out."

The Shining “Come freaking rescue us from the middle of nowhere. Some psycho is cutting holes in doors of the hotel room!

Princess Bride: "Buttercup, I am not dead - I have become the dread Pirate Roberts and am plundering the sea so that I can save money for us to get married.... well I would have called earlier but I’ve been mostly dead all day.”

Memento. Daily text to self: "You lost your memory, nut job. You killed wife."

Gone with the wind. "Scarlett, you are a crazy B. Not coming back."

Crimson Tide: "hello headquarters? Our telegraph machine from 1953 got broke on our nuclear submarine here and damn if we can't read your last message. Are the Russians still trippin? No?! Okay well, could you tell that to Gene Hackman over here? He won't believe what my black-ass has to say and is just ITCHIN to blow shit up.”

Crying Game. Solved with one text: "Dude, chick is a dude."

Romeo and Juliet. "Hey Romeo, ya Jewels here. Look I'm drinking something that will make me LOOK dead. So don't freak out or anything. I'm not REALLY dead. See ya soon. LUV U :)

Hope that entertained you; I think I speak for all my friends when I say we had a great time doing it.
I promise a real and more substantial blog post soon!

Up and At 'Em

Now that I sit at a computer most of my day, I’ve gotten back into Pandora. I need something background, some little bits of ambience. Besides that, I’ve been mulling over the same few songs that have been the only thing that has the ability to get me up and going in the morning. I haven’t posted a musical list lately so here it is.

What Drags My Ass Outta Bed, April 2009 edition:
Kids—MGMT
My Only Offer—Mates of State (this one especially)
Carpetbaggers—Jenny Lewis
Nothing to Worry About—Peter Bjorn and John
Don’t Call Me Whitney, Bobby—The Islands
Sugarlumps—Fight of the Conchords
Road to Joy—Bright Eyes
Myriad Harbour—New Pornographers
Hard Worker—Avett Brothers
This is Not a Test—She & Him
New Soul—Yael Naim

Truths

• No matter where I am or what I am doing, I automatically feel like I'm drunk and it's 3am whenever I hear "Rock Lobster".
  
• One of my favorite things about Asheville: we get snow-capped mountains. I can look out my window at work and see them.
  
• Creepy Emo guy and Jessica Simpson's #1 Hanger-on had their baby. His middle name is Mowgli. I'm guessing Bagheera and Baloo will be named co-godfathers. They aren't leaving that kid with much of more than the "Bear Necessities" are they? Now I think I'm done with the "Jungle Book" jokes. For now.
  
• I sometimes forget that TV characters are not real people. I get confused because characters like Pamela Anderson are actually real. Well, that's up for discussion.
  
• The latin name for the Pileated Woodpecker is dryocopus pileatus. That was for Leslie.

Never Have I Ever

So sad the "Jesus is my Friend" video was taken down...it's quite hilarious. I'll try to fix that later.
Anyway, in college we used to play the game "Never Have I Ever" where someone would say something they hadn't done and if anyone playing the game had done it, then they drank (a game we also incorporated into the best drinking game ever: Kings.). It was funny and revealing. Not much to say, so here's some Never Have I Evers that I truly haven't done. Feel free to add:

NEVER HAVE I EVER....

• Learned to dive
• Liked Kristen Dunst
• RSVP'd promptly
• Been on a cruise
• Made out in an elevator
• Consistently pronounced "nuclear" correctly
• Eaten peanut butter and mayo together
• Listened to the Jonas Brothers
• Understood French
• Seen an episode of "Battlestar Galactica"
• Voted Republican
• Owned a mountain bike
• Kissed Dylan Kinsella (DRINK you people who have...ahem...)
• Known exactly what "The Hills" is
• Had a baby
• Driven a schoolbus
• Used a fake ID
• Drank at Maggies, Lucy's or Konrad's
• Had a mani or a pedi (I don't like strangers touching me)
• Gotten a perm
• Won a game of "asshole"
• Played strip poker
• Been to Mexico
• Fallen out a window
• Learned to French Braid
• Passed out on contruction equipment or in a field
• Owned any Soulja Boy
• Thought leggings were a good idea

Sundays of Possibility

I think it's when I'm happy and stable and warm and safe and loved that I feel like I don't have anything to say except to note that I am all of the above. Could it be that I need to be itchy in order to scratch out my thoughts as if they were chiggers crawling just beneath my surface; words little red bugs keeping me up at night and never letting me settle in and simply be in a moment? I wouldn't be surprised. All that is to say I don't have much to say. My excuse for a post is a list of what has been buzzing through the headphones as of late. Lots of old and new...I just learned how to play "Hotel Yorba" on guitar which explains why it's back in rotation.

• Almost—Sarah Harmer
• She & Him’s “Volume 1” album
• The Moneymaker—Rilo Kiley
• The Greatest—Cat Power
• Hotel Yorba—White Stripes
• New York, New York—Ryan Adams
• Say What You Want—Rosie Thomas
• Heartbeats—The Knife
• There She Goes--Babyshambles
• Yankee Bayonet—The Decemberists
• "Escondida” album –Jolie Holland*
• Great Salt Lake—Band of Horses

* I dug out "Escondida" after a street busker was playing "Old Fashioned Morphine" while I was out to dinner and it got wedged in the head.

Football season is back and I am genuinely excited and not just because my fantasy teams are going to be asskickers; I love the Sundays of possibility. Hope springs eternal at least once a week during the season.

Postcards

Dear LaDainian Tomlinson and Randy Moss,
You are the two anchors of my fantasy teams. Keep those knees healthy and those touchdowns coming, I need affirmation in life.
Love,
Spooner

Dear makers of Trivial Pursuit,
WTF? Where'd you go?
The whole point of board games is playing them WITHOUT electricity, so making a DVD version is STUPID. Come back, and bring your smug questions with you.
Love,
Spooner

Dear Narcolepsy,
Not cool.
Love,
Spooner

Dear Art Monk and Darrell Green,
Thank you for making me cry for the first time in months. And for those 20 years of awesome footballness for the 'Skins. Congrats on making it to the Hall of Fame. Fight for ol' DC, boys!
Love,
Spooner

Dear Pear Vodka,
Mixing you with anything makes you still suck.
No offense.
Love,
Spooner

Dear friends,
Next time I wear my contacts, don't stare and tell me "You look weird." I'm not Clark Kent, I look the same. Just without glasses.
Love,
Spooner

Dangerous Breakfast Cereals

Apparently I haven't worn these jeans in months because I found a list in the back pocket that I started making at work back in April. Enjoy.

Dangerous Breakfast Cereals:

• Fruit Loops of Burning Death
• Apple Jacks yo' Lexus Foo'
• Un-Lucky Charms from an Angry Voodoo Shaman
• Fruity Pebbles Raining Down On You Cuz It's Actually An Avalanche
• Alpha-Bits of Broken Glass
• Berry Berry Kix You In The Groin
• Capped n' Crunched
• Count Shock-U-La
• Corn Pops A Cap In You
• Grape Nuts
• Honeycomb Stolen From Some Seriously Pissed Killer Bees

Drivin' Miss Spooner

For 6 of the past 8 years I have lived an average of 7 hours away from my family; I-81 has become intimately familiar to me during those long solitary treks to and from the homestead (incidentially I have driven all 846 miles of I-81, from Knoxville, TN to the Thousand Islands, NY, just not all at once.) I haven't been home since Christmas and my family has not let me forget it; for this I am grateful. I'm glad to feel missed and loved as I am. Next Wednesday I'm hopping into my little Subaru and once again doing the great seven hour exodus back to LoCo. If my past trips are any indication, this is what the drive will look like:

9:22am: Plan to leave by 10am. Swear I will be out fo the house by 10:15am.

10:45am: Leave house, be very proud of myself that I left in such a timely fashion.

10:50am: Top off my gas tank, believe this is the trip where I will only stop once.

10:58am: Be bored with the drive, put something loud on the iPod which will probably involve Jay-Z.

11:38am: Begin game of guessing to the exact mile how far it is from my house to my parents house and what my gas milage will be for the trip. Forget my bets in about an hour.

12:04pm: Pause iPod, start making phone calls to whomever I can think to call. Get 9 voice mail messages straight, hate everyone for not answering their phones to chat with me at noon on a Wednesday. Realize I'm ridiculous. Keep calling people.

12:44pm: First pee break. Curse my bladder and coffee consumption, consider pulling a crazy astronaut and buying diapers.

1:21pm: Start playing the Choose Cheesy mix as loud as possible with as many wild hand gestures as possible. Sing "Greatest Love of All" at top of my lungs.

2:23pm: Switch to "Slow n' Steady" mix which causes me to curl deep into a furrowed brow and hypothetical conversations. Quite possibly stare at nothing as I'm driving through Roanoke. Realize this is just past the half-way point; get nervous and vow to not stop for any reason. Immediately have to pee.

3:16pm: Stop to pee again. Possibly stretch. Once again bet on total mileage and time. Feel confident that I'll win. Against myself. In a fictional contest. Wave at the exit for Rockbridge. Decide driving sucks and road trips suck and driving road trips alone sucks and you probably suck too, sucker.

3:30pm: Probably start a conversation with myself. Not even probably, I will start a conversation with myself, and I will ask myself questions and answer them in turn. I will find myself charming, witty, sincere and smart. I will think I am a good conversationalist. This will be right around the time I hit Harrisonburg. That will cause me to think about all the people who went to JMU that I could give a shout out to at that moment. I'll just yell "GO DUKES!" to no one in particular. I will only partially mean this cheer.

4:08pm: Bless the inventor of cruise control, get terrible back cramp, have indigestion from questionable gas station purchase from hour previous. Be in love with the Shenandoah Valley. Listen to a random episode of "This American Life" debate whether this will keep me awake or put me to sleep. Realize I will need to fill up cuz I won't make it all the way there on one tank. Curse this fact.

4:40pm: Stop somewhere near Front Royal and fill up. Think Arbys, but do nothing about it.

5:15pm: See exit 315 for Rt 7. Cheer. Exit and feel very strange driving at 55mph. Probably break out into "Old Dominion" by Eddie from Ohio, also with dramatic hand gestures. Get a little emotional driving down the roads I've known my whole life.

5:44pm: Pull into my dad's house. Feel the whole trip was already worth it.

Old Man

Reasons I may be an old man trapped in the body of an almost 27 year old woman:

1. Yankee magazine. If it is near me, I read it.
2. A love of good bourbon, scotch and whiskey. And a knowledge of their differences.
3. Tools. Love tools. All tools.
4. The persistent cough that plagues me in the morning.
5. Chronic pains that actually do predict the weather
6. A love of John Prine
7. Dark, strong, black coffee every morning. Preferably in the same mug as the previous day. I enjoy consistency.
8. I get really annoyed and short with people I see too much.
9. Repetitive stories
10. Grunts when I stand up from a chair
11. LL Bean duck boots
12. Fly fishing. Love it.
13. “I can probably just do it myself” as a mantra.
14. Really cold hands and feet
15. Owning more than three “Peterson's Field Guides” or “National Audubon Society” guides
16. A sincere, undying love of quiet.
17. Zero interior decoration skills
18. Lots and lots of scars
19. I actually do pull my glasses off and clean them with breath and my shirt
20. Wanting to play a good game of Bocce or croquet for my birthday

Reasons I know I'm not an old man trapped in the body of a nearly 27 year old woman:

1. Don't have hairy ears
2. Don't have hairy nose
3. Still look good in a sports bra
4. Can hear
5. I don't think Matlock was all that great
   

Blindfolded and Packin' Heat

I haven't been posting much lately, so most of the posts I do manage to get off are a spray of gunfire at the side of a barn; hitting and missing with equal ferocity. And thus I load and fire.

• Murphy and Caroline came down this past weekend for an extended stay and a Bad Idea Girls reunion. Things we learned:

We love to eat. Constantly.
We also enjoy quality beverages
Murphy is funny without trying
I have a molester cat that lives in my house
I steal the covers.
Muffin Top is in Tennessee

We visited Jack of the Wood, Heiwa Shakura, The French Broad Chocolate Lounge, Laughing Seed, Sunnypoint, Mayfel's, Barley's Taproom, Asheville Brewing Company, French Broad Brewing Company, Dirty Jack's, The Thirsty Monk, among many other stops. Wow. I can't tell you how I love those girls. They make living fun. They are so many of the best parts of life. And so what if we aren't necessarily good at darts, and Caroline is still bitter she didn't get to go to high school with Heath Ledger like Julia Stiles did in “10 Things I Hate About You”. It was a weekend so necessary for me—I needed a time of hosting and laughter. I don't feel like I've had enough of it lately. Gunticles. Giggle.

• Saturday night I was sitting in Dirty Jacks with Chuck, Kelly, Caroline, Murphy, Sara C, Margarita, Nate, Anthony, Kara, Doug and Patrick talking and laughing and in that moment I fell in love with this place all over again. This is my home, this is where I'm supposed to be.

• My Cranium calendar on Monday was a science quiz: “What word can be made out of the periodic names for the elements Sulfur, Oxygen, Carbon and Potassium?” and I love that Caroline answered it in less than 5 seconds. (Answer: SOCK)

• I have boy drama once again. How does this happen? I don't try for it, I promise. Things seem to be circling around. Just call me angel of the morning, angel. I appreciate honesty, depth, vulnerability and humility more and more. I used to think what I wanted was someone like me, now I believe it may be just the opposite.

• I'm in the process of re-tiling about half of the house. The back bathroom with vinyl tile, the kitchen, hall and other bath with ceramic tile. I love a new challenge and adventure, love honing skills and love an excuse to get another tool. I could be a very good handywoman. I don't feel like I've worked my brain much at all lately, so at least some physical labor makes me feel that at least part of me isn't spiraling toward atrophy.

• Team name “If Clinton Didn't Inhale Why Did He Come to Asheville High?” won the pitcher at Quizzo Monday night. Now I've been doing Quizzo since July and my team never won a team name until last week and winning it this week as well makes us a practical dynasty. Booyah. (for those who don't know, Bill Clinton came and gave a stump speech at Asheville High School on Saturday night as part of his campaigning for Hillary, hence our joke). Shout out to Jane for coming up with the name. I also won my 4^th shout out question. Ridiculous.

• I've been asked to write something and read it in a wedding in September. I've also been asked to consider becoming an officiant and actually doing a wedding in October. Both of these: totally awesome. I adore public speaking.

• Watched “Into The Wild” on Sunday—read the book back in 1998 or so, the movie was fairly true to what Krakauer did in the original text. Story of a boy with too much intellect to recognize when one simply doesn't know what he doesn't know. Sad. One downside of the movie: Eddie Vedder singing. I have never cared for him. Sorry to offend.

Dodge These Bullets

• With the addition of the queen sized bed (thank you Leslie) I bought two new pillows. In other news, I'm still domesticated and mildly boring.

• Our Quizzo team finally won a pitcher for the best team name. This only took 7 months. And before you ask, yes, yes I do have friends. That I don't pay. Much.

• What ever happened to that cute girl from “Northern Exposure” with the mole and who could do that eye brow lift thing? The one opposite Aidan (I'm sorry even 5 years before “Sex and the City” John Corbett was Aidan. He still is. Always will be. That Aidan gets around) up in Alaska? Where the heck has she gone?

• Riding high on the lazy river-like tsunami of confidence from the McSweeney's print, Easter afternoon I got to seriously delve into some writings and I actually finished a short story. “Story” is a loose description, it's really a very stylized monologue from an old woman living on the coast in Maine. I like it, but I'm the only person who has ever read it. Time will tell whether it is any good or just adjective-heavy word vomit. Sometimes I feel like a Chimp playing with his own poop. Some may call it art, others call it “Hey, that monkey is playing with his poop,” while the monkey is thinking, “Wheeee!”. How's that for an artist's statement of purpose.

• Lately I've been stuck on the song “Sons and Daughters” by the Decemberists. I've had this song for over a year, but it's got new life. I heart Colin Meloy. He go wit his nerd self. Only person I know that can use words like “dirigible”, “Legionnaire”, “indolent” and “colonnade” in songs and still sound earnest.

• Friday night I had a very vivid dream that I was thrown into running a trail race that I hadn't trained for. In the dream it was a 7 mile race and I was three miles in and breathing hard. That's when I woke up having an asthma attack. I don't know if the attack spawned the dream or vice versa, but while I wasn't breathing I marveled at my subconscious' imagination. If I'm ever not breathing ask me where my inhaler is and I'll try to tell you. Or just yell “Does anyone have an albuterol inhaler!?” and maybe someone will throw one at you.

• Murphy and Romano: two days. Bad Idea Girls take on the Dirty South. Look for highlights. There will be many I'm sure.

• I got an email from Nat the other detailing how her drive back to her house was interrupted by a cow giving birth on her road. It got out of the fence and was giving birth, right there in the road. That is the part of my hometown that I truly miss. That sort of thing isn't exactly abnormal and part of some of my most fond memories. Being stuck behind cows was a normal excuse for being late to school.

• I don't think I've loved my family more than I do right now. After the McSweeney's thing, I got a voicemail from my mom that said, “It's mom, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and I'm proud of you. I love you, bye bye.” I cried a little bit, saved the message and now look forward to having it come up every few weeks. This message is a miracle. A true, heaven sent, blind man can see, deaf man can hear sort of miracle. I am so thankful for it.

• So the question about the obligation of citizenship that you all did a fine job of not answering is becoming an essay on its own. And if its any good and it goes anywhere, I'll make a point to not reference you. No no don't feel like you need to thank me. I know I'm gracious.

• Still don't get the obsession over fancy handbags. Don't get it. It must be how gay men feel about women. Sure they are nice and all but nope, not feeling anything either way.

Car Talk

Sooo....cleaned out my car yesterday. Like not only cleaned it but vacuumed it, something I haven't done in...well...a very, very long time. I think my car is a few dozen pounds lighter.
Observations:
* I found 14 pens in various places in my car. 13 of them worked fine. I guess my greatest fear is not having a pen when I need one.
* I have something like 9 different maps in my car, and that includes my atlas (yes Robin I own an atlas), and a "Rochester and Vicinity" mapbook. Cuz I need that. Down here in Asheville.
* Even while just vacuuming my car I managed to cut myself. On what I don't know.
* Also: 12 matchboxes/matchbooks. Why?

In other news:
* Broke my old filling on a triscuit last night. I don't know what to do about it. I have no dental apoxy and/or dental insurance, so i guess it'll stay broken for a while.

Anyway, I'm housesitting on the west side til late Friday and that means regular internetting, so woohoo. And such.

Boys! With Guitars!

Most of the time, I'm a chick with guitar type of girl; that's the music I like, the music I identify with. Lately it's been guys with guitars, insomuch that I actually made a playlist on my iPod of it. Some of the songs:
The Drinking Song--Moxy Fruvous
The Professor & La Fille Danse (live)--Damien Rice
Suicide Medicine--Rocky Votolato
Plasticities--Andrew Bird
Cold Missouri Waters--Cry Cry Cry*
Red Right Ankle--Decemberists
24 turned 25--Denison Whitmer
Love is a Comma--Josh Cole
I Think I Need a New Heart--Magnetic Fields
Jesus, Etc--Wilco
Kathleen (live)--Josh Ritter
The King of Carrot Flowers, Part I--Neutral Milk Hotel
and on and on...
The song on the list that has been most repeated (and thought about) is Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez. It's just beautiful and apropos. He took a while to grow on me, but I'm loving myself some Jose now. Also on the list is Find the River from R.E.M.'s "Automatic for the People" hands down one of the most memorable and lasting albums I've ever owned. That song, just as most of that album, is time in a bottle. I can't explain how I love it but it both breaks and heals my heart.
Anyway, that's all I got today. Well that and the confirmation that tequila is always a bad idea. I said it before and I'll say it again: No Way Jose (Cuervo).

* Incidentially, "Cold Missouri Waters" is based on the book "Young Men and Fire" by Norman McCloud. It chronicles a forest fire in August, 1949 that killed 13 of the 16 parajumpers brought in to contain it. The book is extremely well written (McCloud also wrote "A River Runs Through It") and the song is simply heartbreaking. Check it out.

List of the Day

American Gladiator or American Car Model?

1. Malibu

2. Nitro
3. Blaze
4. Bronco
5. Laser
6. Thunder
7. Viper
8. Atlas
9. Sabre
10. Storm
11. Spark

Gladiator: 3, 6, 8
Car: 11
Both: 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 10

Thought about this the other day when I was stuck behind a Dodge Nitro. Should be noted that Atlas is a car rental company, which is pretty darn close. Hilarious.

Notes on a Monday

* So I actually had Sunday off this week, which I shockingly discovered, so does most of the working world. Like I got to see people...when it was still light out.
* Apparently my church moved. They did not ask permission. For this reason I will continue to not give them any money.
* I've been really absent-minded lately. Today I put shampoo on my loofah and didn't realize I hadn't been washing my hair till I was already done.
* Poor Prince Harry. Why couldn't we just leave him alone in desert? He was doing great--no ladies, booze, Hitler costumes or having to suffer from not being as hot as his brother, just shooting up stuff and walking around--and what did the media do? Point him out like he's Waldo and now he has to take his gun and go back to his castle. Wait, did I just say I felt sorry for a royal? For suffering? I'm sorry I must be high.
* You know what movie was surprisingly good but it took me forever to watch it cuz I didn't think I'd like it? No, not "Gigli". That was as bad as expected. It was "The Departed." There is no part of me that wants to like Leonardo DiCaprio but he is a good actor...dammit. Liking Leo is like me and gaucho pants: other people love 'em but I can't help but feel like I beat up a clown and stole his pants. I can see their perks but they don't work for me. K kind of a bad analogy but I'm still recovering from washing my body with some TRESemme shampoo. Cut me some slack.
* Five of us went out for Leslie's birthday on Saturday night for some tappas and my 3rd visit to the French Broad Chocolate Lounge in a week. I don't even like sweets that much but I can't stop going. That was the most fun night in recent memory. And I didn't even lose my pants (note: I haven't actually, literally lost my pants in about 8 years. That was a quick learning curve.)
* Here is my second favorite blog of recent: Jessi Klein's NotBlog. I kind of want to be her friend.
* I recently heard myself on video. I have to decided to cease all talking forever. I sound like a smartass mouse.
* Currently I have the emotional capacity of a grapefruit. Not the size of a grapefruit, but the actual emotional capacity of one. Like if you were to stare longingly at a grapefruit and then expect reciprocation, that's what I'm like currently in the emotional sector. But less curvy. And not as full of vitamin C. Or from Florida.
* Hey guess what! I still want to be a writer. And I'm still scared of it. Soo...nothing is different.
* That's it, I'm swearing off boys for the rest of the afternoon.

February

Reasons February Doesn't Suck:

(1) It's two days shorter than other months...wait, not this year.
(2) Football season! Wait, that ended last month...and doesn't start again to August.
(3) You can start wearing all your new spring...no? You can't? Cuz it's still cold? Whoops.
(4) All those new episodes of favorite shows...that don't come back on til April cuz of the strike.
(5) Winter Olympics! No? Not this year?
(6) Valentines Day! And I'm still single? So...that's not good, right?
(7) President's Day! It's a national holiday! Yet I still had to work?

That's it, this month sucks.

Calm Down, Make a List

When I was in high school and all sorts of shit was hitting all sorts of fans, my friend Megan Mackin and I made list of things to be happy about. This was 1996 or so.
I still have this list.
The original copy.
I still read this list periodically.
It calms me.
When I was in college, in the midst of another storm of fecal proportions, I continued to work on this list of things to be happy about. I was looking for a quote in one of my journals yesterday when I found that list from college (the quote was, “Facts are not pleasant things to rub into your dreams when you're dreaming, but they are mighty pleasant things when you're living.” --From Enos Mills' “Adventures of a Nature Guide” and it was in an entirely different journal). It was astounding to read that list—it's a little over seven years old, but so much of it I still believe. I thought I'd post a portion of it for you all. Even if you don't know everything that's referenced, it's all things to be happy about, I assure you.

Things to be Happy About, as written 10.9.00:
The Law 404 mix tape * Equipment Room keys * Donna the Buffalo * Artie the retarded cat * ESF Stumpies * Cloudless, hot, sunny summer days on the water * Lotus Designs PFDs * Rapelling into a cave * War wounds * Skinny Dipping * Amy McNally * Campfires * thermarests * New gear * Woodchuck Raspberry Hard Cider * Syracuse University Outing Club, SUOC * Mini-fridges * Down comforters * carabiners * nalgene bottles * dry fleece * Overalls * Hank the 1987 F-150 Pickup Truck * Eddie From Ohio * Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's “Fishin' In the Dark” * Boland 2 * Front porches * People laying around in people puddles * Sunny mornings * New guitar strings * Mud wrestling * My laptop * magnetic poetry * Emilie Cole * being tired because you did something big, hard and cool that day * homemade pie * Northern Outfitters, Syracuse NY * Exit 315 off I-81 in VA (it leads home)* Surprising someone with an unexpected gift * Grilled cheese and tomato soup * The Adirondack Mountains * Stab's Pizza-- “Ehy! TWO SLICES!”* Big round hay bales * West Virginia * Finishing writing a song * Josh Marshall * ESF Mugs * Smartwool Socks * Bedhead * Brushing your teeth with all your favorite people in the bathroom doing the same thing * Having a sit-down dinner * Indigo Girls * Small towns * Silence * Allergy medication * Canceled classes * My own bed * Nick Bantock and all his books * Snowshoeing * ESF's Huntington Lodge * Topo maps * Biscuits & sausage gravy, the southern way * Finishing the Daily Orange crossword * Folding camp chairs * New CDs * livetoplay.com * Amelia Pipkin * Jeans that give you a good butt * Big piles of dry leaves to jump in * Really cool stationary * Webbing belts * Napster * Campfire sing-a-longs/concerts *The Jukebox at Edna's in Franklin, WV * Girl Scout cookies * Mini-golf * Sleeping in a tank-top for the first time all season * The occasional cat-call* headlamps *

Some of the things are distinctly Syracuse. My college was actually called, to be long winded: The State University of New York—College of Environmental Science and Forestry at Syracuse University, or ESF for short. Each new student was given an ESF travel coffee mug, and that was the only cup they had for every on-campus event. We didn't use disposable cups at all. If you didn't bring your own, you didn't have one. Boland 2 was my frosh year floor, a group of girls I still talk to at times. Law 404 was my room sophomore year. Amy was my roommate. Amelia was my best friend from high school, who is still the wisest and most godly woman I know under the age of 35. Franklin, WV is where SUOC would go for spring break every year, and Edna's was literally someone's living room that was converted into a bar in the evening hours. It was awkwardly awesome. I guess Edna has since passed away, but that jukebox ruled. Stab's Pizza is a sketchy pizza place/grocery store in Westcott Nation that can't fully be recalled in the blog setting, but is fully worth a visit. Especially after a few hours at Taps next door. Josh Marshall was my boyfriend at the time, and still retains a spot on my current list of things to be happy about. Napster: well screw you, knowledge of pirating music.

More in the List Department

#1: On Saturday, French Broad Chocolate Company had the soft opening of their new Chocolate Lounge, located very close to the corner of Lexington and Patton, around the corner from Salsa's. GO TO THIS CHOCOLATE LOUNGE. It may have changed my life for the better, and I don't even like chocolate that much. Literally the best chocolates I have ever tasted. Like the world disappeared and I was overwhelmed with flavors and ideas. Godiva is like drinking Boone's Farm and this is the best wine you can imagine. And they serve beer and wine, and a Pisgah Porter does wonders for some seriously good dark chocolate truffles. Plus, my friend Katherine's artwork is featured throughout the lounge. It's gorgeous. So go. Afterward we went over to my friend Ian and Tammy's and sat around in their hot tub drinking bourbon. It was as awesome as it sounds.

#2 From Asheville, plane tickets to Flagstaff cost the same or more than they do to fly to London. Go figure.

#3 I got into a conversation with my mom the other day about kids with parents that are split, and I felt like I got to say a lot of things to her that I needed to say and never could figure out how to say. For someone who has been married and divorced several times, she has no idea what it does to kids. Or how long the effect lasts.

#4 The Giants represented the NFC East well last night, and for that I'll no longer make fun of Eli Manning for looking like he's 13. I'll say he's 15. Also: I expected the Super Bowl to be a "if you drink every time a Peyton Manning commercial comes on you'll be hammered by the two minute warning of the first half" but alas, no Peyton commercials. Or should I say thankfully there weren't. But how great was Tom Petty? I mean really, the person who thought of that: kisses, pies and a raise! Looks like a child molester, sings like a child molester, but still manages to be fairly awesome. Well done, Petty. You keep runnin' down that dream.

#5 I'm in a lull. Don't feel I got too much goin' on.

Misc.

It's been a while!
Tidbits:

* I finally had the concept of post-modernism explained to me. I've never had a theology or philosophy class and it wasn't something taught in science lectures to be sure. Interesting. Now I'm trying to figure out how I feel about aboslutes, and I don't mean the vodka.

* Daniel Snyder, the owner of the Redskins, is trying to make my head explode. I think he is Jerry Jones (owner of the Cowboys) in a young Republican costume. I think he legitimately hates the Redskins and thus is trying to make them implode every year. That's the only conclusion I can come up with for his boneheaded moves.

* I'm also harboring bitterness toward the Green Bay Packers, for losing to the Giants and thus making me have to cheer for an NFC East rival. I don't want to cheer for Eli Manning. Darn you Brett Favre for putting me in that situation.

*My back has been crippingly painful as of late and it is maddening. I'm looking everywhere for reprieve.

* Went to Windy Gap for leftover lunch on Monday--I should visit more often. I had such a love/hate relationship during my internship there and now it's simply love. Those people are such blessings. Plus I get a lot of hugs. In hindsight I am so thankful for my tenure there.

* "LOST" last night...hmm...where are they going? What the heck? And I'm mourning Charlie. I really liked how far his character had come. And poor Claire.

* I'm re-reading "Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith" by Anne Lamott. I sure do love that woman. It's balancing out "The Cloister Walk" by Kathleen Norris.

* I've been studying Daniel lately. In one of his prayers he says, "Do not hear us because we are righteous, but because of your mercy." reminds me that God doesn't hear us because of what we are or aren't, but because he loves us. Should be obvious. Totally isn't.

* There are several things I want to learn how to do, or get certified in: auto mechanic, pilot, EMT, professional driving, shoot a handgun, take self-defense, scuba dive. Maybe be fluent in another language. And learn to sew. I hate feeling helpless in situations.

* I finally got my NC license. The first one they gave me said my gender was male. Whoops.

* You know what is great? Pringles.